The Pursuit of Janice
by Exintaris
Summary: Set in the world of True Love. Joey makes a bet with Chandler about Janice, but gets interested in her. Will she take him seriously? Final chapter now up. Reviews always welcome.
1. The Bet

**The Pursuit of Janice**

****

Author's Note (revised): Well, thank goodness for Cress. Come on you guys – I scatter reviews around fairly freely, is it too much to ask to get some back?

I have slightly revised Chapter 1, having realised that Janice's baby will by now be a little girl (the end of Series 8 finally reveals that her child with Gary was a daughter).

This is another from the Suppose Things Had Gone a Different Way … stable, but I have separated it out because I got the idea of giving it a different background from that of the actual series, in fact of making it follow on from one of my own stories, True Love. In this, Monica and Rachel fall in love, form a stable relationship and finally get married a bit more than a year after Ross's marriage to Emily (no f/f action will be described beyond kissing and hugging). As a consolation to Chandler, who had been beginning to have strong feelings for Monica, they manage to get him back together with Kathy. That is the situation when this story opens, not too long after their marriage. Joey and Phoebe, it should be said, have not changed in any essential respect.

In justification of the story-line: I have indicated before that I think there is a lot to be said for Janice (see more than one part of Suppose Things Had Gone a Different Way …). For my view of her as a lover, I cite again from Series 3,1 what I quoted at the beginning of TOW Chandler Is King, But Who Is Queen?:

**Janice: Okay. All right. This is what we're gonna call it: 'Joey and Janice's ****DAY OF FUN!'  
****Joey: Does it have to be a whole day?  
****Janice: Yes, because that's how long it takes to love me.  
****Joey: Yeah, I know, I sleep in the next room.**

Disclaimer: The Friends characters do not belong to me, but to Bright, Kauffman and Crane Productions and Warner Bros. Their use is not intended for profit, only for entertainment.

Chapter 1: The Bet

Chandler and Joey were hanging out in their apartment one dull, cold Sunday afternoon. Although Chandler and Kathy were still dating, their relationship had never progressed as far as living together. Kathy was happy to have Chandler stay overnight in her apartment or to visit him, but she seemed to place a lot of weight on their keeping separate in this way, and Chandler was too happy to have her back to raise any objection – he too preferred it, in fact. At the moment she was deep in rehearsals for a new play, and so Chandler had a free afternoon.

They were chatting idly about relationships, past and present, when Joey suddenly said, 'Tell me, dude, what did you see in Janice? Why did you keep going back to her?'

'It couldn't possibly be because I was desperate for a girlfriend and some sex, could it?' said Chandler ironically.

'Was that all?' said Joey. 'But you always found her so hard to take, except that one time when you connected up again over the Web and you really seemed to be in love with her. What was that, then?'

Chandler frowned, trying to disentangle the positive feelings that he had once had about Janicer from all the unhappiness that he had felt when they had their painful breakup and the irritation that had caused him to dump her previously, and to pretend he was going to Yemen rather than renew their relationship.

'She's … attractive,' he said. 'She has a good figure, believe me, and all that nice hair. She's smart; she knows stuff, like about art, though she doesn't bore you with it like Ross. She can be good on emotional things, even though she's rather messed up herself; remember how she spotted my use of humour as a defence mechanism right away, when we were talking over the Web. She's sympathetic; she spent a lot of time listening to me moaning on about my life. And she could be very helpful; look at all the effort she put into helping me pack for Yemen.'

'But you didn't want to go there, 'Joey objected.

'Yeah, but she didn't know that,' said Chandler. He sighed. 'If it weren't for that voice, and that laugh, and her tendency to act like one of those big over-affectionate dogs, and her cute little phrases that aren't cute at all, and the way she constantly overdramatises everything …' He paused, then sighed again. 'She did have a lot of good qualities.'

'I notice you haven't mentioned one thing,' said Joey insinuatingly.

'Huh?' went Chandler.

'Well, to judge from what I had to listen to, being next door, she could be good in bed.'

'Oh … yeah,' said Chandler. 'Well … she could be a bit … demanding. But she was _very sexy, and she would try anything.'_

'_Really?' said Joey, showing more interest than before._

'Oh yeah!' said Chandler, suddenly sounding enthusiastic. 'I learned quite a lot with her. What was so great about her was, whatever I did, she was very responsive, and very congratulatory about my performance – more so than Kathy sometimes, to be absolutely honest.' He suddenly looked wistful. 'In that respect Janice was very good for my morale, you know.'

Joey found himself rather intrigued by what Chandler had said. Most of his girlfriends were not very adventurous when it came to sex. More than one had gone very cold towards him when he suggested anything out of the ordinary.

'She sounds worth getting to know,' he commented.

Chandler looked at him in surprise. 'I thought you couldn't stand her, man. You gave me enough grief when I was with her, remember?'

'Yeah, well maybe I didn't appreciate her good qualities,' said Joey casually.

Chandler continued to look at him in surprise. Then understanding dawned. 'It's because of what I said about the sex, isn't it?' he said. 'Joe, you of all people cannot be that desperate for it.'

'I kinda like the sound of a girl who'll try anything,' said Joey, giving his lascivious grin.

Chandler began to grin also. 'You couldn't take it,' he scoffed. 'You couldn't even stand being in her company long enough to get her into bed.'

'Oh no?' said Joey. 'Remember, I lasted through Joey and Janice's Day of Fun without giving her the idea I was hating it. You wanna put some money where your mouth is?'

'Ten bucks says you couldn't make it that far,' said Chandler confidently.

'Ten_ measly bucks?' said Joey. 'C'mon, Chandler, give me some incentive here!'_

'Isn't the thought of the sex enough?' said Chandler with a smirk. 'But, okay, how much can you stand to lose?'

Joey knew that he was taking a risk, but he had faith in his power over women. He thought quickly, while Chandler looked at him with a satirical glint in his eye.

'Make it … forty,' said Joey. 'Not that I'm expecting to lose, of course.'

Chandler laughed. 'Okay, my fine feathered friend, you're _on.' He held out his hand._

'You will tell me where I'm likely to meet her?' Joey asked.

'Sure, I'll give you that much help,' said Chandler. 

'And I'll have to tell her that you didn't go toYemen,' Joey warned.

'Rather you than me,' Chandler replied insouciantly. 'That would actually be a help, if you could break it to her.'

'And you won't object if I bring her into Central Perk?' Joey went on, trying to make sure he had all the bases covered.

'No, the thought of the forty extra bucks I shall be enjoying will insulate me from all unpleasantness,' said Chandler. 'Now, are you gonna shake on it or not?'

Joey paused for a long moment, then took Chandler's hand. 'It's a deal.' He sat back and let out a breath. 'You know, Chandler,' he went on, 'I think this could be good for me. I look on it as a challenge, and I don't get too many challenges in my love-life. It could sharpen my game, and maybe I need that.'

'No one needs Janice,' said Chandler, shuddering. 'Seriously, Joe, I think you are making a mistake. Janice is not your kind of woman at all. And supposed she gets fixed on you, instead of me?'

'No sweat,' said Joy confidently. 'I'm much better at breaking up with women than you.' Chandler shook his head. 'Well, I hope this will prove a positive experience for you,' he said, 'but you know what they used to say out West? There ain't no horse that can't be rode … there ain't no man that can't be throwed.'

Joey shrugged. 'Say, shall we go over and tell Monica and Rachel?' he said. 'They might find this interesting.'

Chandler looked doubtful. 'I'm not sure they'd approve. They've … changed a bit since they got together.'

'Dude, they're so happy!' Joey protested. 'It makes me feel good just to see it.'

'Yes,' said Chandler, 'but they're even more inclined to take a woman's side in anything than they were before. We could tell them when we get together next, but it's a bit early to be going over right now.'

Joey nodded. 'Okay. How about some foosball, instead?'

'You're on,' said Chandler. 'Maybe this time I'll get to beat your ass.'

On the same afternoon, Monica and Rachel were happily engaged in whipping up a batch of brownies, which they had agreed was just the thing for a day like this. In fact, Rachel was doing most of the preparation, with Monica offering a guiding comment or some expert help every now and then. Finally, Rachel put the brownies in the oven and turned to Monica with a triumphant smile. She was flushed, her hair was all over the place, and she had smears of chocolate on her forehead and left cheek, but Monica thought she looked absolutely adorable, and told her so as she pulled her into an embrace and gave her an extremely enthusiastic kiss.

'I still can't believe my luck, to wind up with you,' she said after the kiss.

Rachel put her arms round Monica and gave her an equally ardent kiss back. 'How do you think I feel?' she said. 'All those years looking for a secure love, and it turns out to be my best friend!'

They exchanged loving glances, and were about to renew their kisses when the buzzer went.

Monica went over. 'Who is it?'

'Hi, Monica,' came a familiar voice, though sounding rather subdued. 'Could I come up? I've something rather _important to ask you.'_

'It's Janice,' Monica hissed. 'She sounds … strange.'

'Let's see what she wants,' said Rachel. 'We haven't seen her since Chandler "went to Yemen".'

'Okay, Janice, come on up,' said Monica, pushing the door release. She turned to Rachel. 'You've got chocolate all over your face,' she said, grinning. 'There's one bit.' She dabbed a finger to Rachel's cheek and licked it.

'Why didn't you tell me before?' Rachel shrieked, and rushed into the bathroom to wipe it off. She returned just as Monica let Janice in.

'Mm, looks like someone's been cooking up a _storm!' said Janice, surveying the kitchen area. 'How are you guys? You look __great.'_

Janice herself did not look great. Her face was strained, there were dark markings under her eyes, which were rather bloodshot, and her hair was rather greasy-looking and tangled.

'We're _fine. Have a seat,' said Monica, waving at the couch._

'Would you like something to drink?' said Rachel hospitably. 'And a cookie, perhaps? We still have some of those raisin muffins I made, don't we, Mon? We've just been making brownies, but they won't be ready yet awhile.'

Janice's eyes popped. 'Wow, Rachel, you getting into _cooking?'_

Rachel grinned and nodded. 'I have begun to find it interesting, and you get something nice to eat at the end.'

'_Now you do,' said Monica teasingly. 'But there were plenty of disasters to start off with.'_

'Oh you!' cried Rachel. 'There weren't _that many disasters!' She picked up a kitchen glove and threw it at Monica, who ducked it easily, giggling._

Janice looked at them in wonder. She had never seen them so playful. She coughed a bit meaningfully and said, 'If I could take you up on that _drink, Rachel …'_

'Oh sure!' said Rachel. 'I'm sorry, Janice. We get carried away sometimes. Coffee, tea, juice?'

'Some nice hot coffee would be _perfect,' said Janice. She watched in wonder as Rachel bustled about getting the coffee on, while Monica simply sat and watched her with a fond expression._

'So, Janice,' said Monica, turning to her.

'Yeah,' said Janice. 'Well, it's about Chandler. It's been over a year and he hasn't _written, he hasn't even __phoned. I know we never __used to write, but he wasn't so far __away, and we used to talk on the phone all the __time. So, surely __you hear from him: is he okay?' Her voice shook slightly, and she pulled a handkerchief from her sleeve and blew her nose loudly._

Monica and Rachel looked at each other unhappily. They knew only too well that Chandler would want nothing to do with Janice now.

'Excuse us a moment,' said Monica to Janice. 'We have to talk.' She went over to Rachel, who was standing by the coffee percolator, and muttered, 'Should we tell her?'

Rachel thought hard, aware that Janice was looking at them intently. She felt a sudden pang of sympathy for her. They had all been guilty of failing to accept that Janice had felt real love for Chandler, that her breakup with him had been just as hard for her as for him, that, in fact, she was fully entitled to have her feelings considered.

'I say yes,' she said finally. 'It's cruel to let her go on nursing false hopes. But this could be bad. If you'll tell her, I'll be on hand if she needs a shoulder to cry on. I feel sorry for her.'

'That's so like you, sweetie,' said Monica lovingly. 'You have such a big heart.'

They came back to Janice, serious-faced. Rachel sat down beside her, while Monica took a chair opposite. She looked at them with an almost painful air of expectation, seeming very tense.

'Oh God, something's _happened to him,' she blurted out._

Monica shook her head. 'Janice dear, it's time you knew the truth. Chandler never got transferred to Yemen. It was all a story, to avoid getting together with you again. He just couldn't get up the nerve to tell you straight out, it was over.'

'We're very sorry,' Rachel put in.

Janice looked at each in turn, gulped and swallowed hard. 'He … he _lied to me?' she choked out. 'He … he doesn't __love me any more?'_

'He's with someone else now, an actress called Kathy,' said Monica. 'They've been together for quite a while.'

'And all this time, the _schmuck hasn't found the common decency to __tell me?' Janice cried, sounding tearful but also mad. 'He had no problem dumping me the first few times!'_

'He was never all that good at it,' said Monica. 'Remember, he got Phoebe to do it the second time. And, Janice, I don't quite like to say this, but you _did rather assume you could pick up with him just where you left off. But that breakup hurt him deeply.'_

'It hurt _me too,' Janice wailed, and she began to sob, quickly breaking down to a point where she was crying with complete abandon. Rachel threw her arms around her and held her against her, making soothing noises, while Monica, very touched, went to kneel by her, take a loose hand and pat it for a while, before getting up to pour some coffee, get a plate and the cookie jar, and check the brownies._

Finally Janice calmed down. Hands shaking a little, she picked up the coffee, sipped it, and smiled at them rather tremulously.

'Thanks, you guys,' she said rather hoarsely. 'Sorry to be so … so _emotional.'_

'That's okay, Janice,' said Rachel easily. 'Monica and I know what's it's like. We've had our share of breakups.'

Janice took a longer drink, and sighed in satisfaction. 'Mm, good _coffee!' She looked at them. 'You seem pretty happy now, anyway.' Her eyes narrowed. '__Say, aren't those __rings I see? You're __married?'_

'Yeah, we're married,' said Rachel, smiling.

But … who to?' said Janice, sounding perplexed. 'And why are you still living together, or so it seems? Where are your _husbands? __They haven't gone abroad, surely?'_

'Well, Janice,' said Monica gently, 'you see, we're married to each other.'

'_Nooo!' said Janice, her jaw dropping. She just avoided spilling her coffee, and set it down very carefully._

'There's no reason you should know,' Monica said. 'But we fell in love a year ago, and got married recently.'

'You've really gone _gay?' said Janice with maximum incredulity._

Monica winced. It was not an expression she cared for all that much. 'If you want to put it that way, yes.'

Janice looked intensely interested. 'Please tell me _all about it.'_

Monica and Rachel had not had a chance to tell their story to a new listener for some time, and they rather liked doing so, so they seized the opportunity. Between them, they gave Janice a very full account, pausing only when Rachel got the brownies out. Janice hung on their words, completely involved. She noticed the fond glances they exchanged continually.

'I can see it now,' she said. 'I thought there was something _different about you. You really are in __love, aren't you?'_

'Yes, we are,' said Rachel, reaching out to take Monica's hand. 'I've never been so happy.'

'Nor I,' said Monica, squeezing Rachel's hand but then letting it go. 'But, Rach, I'm afraid this must be painful for Janice to watch.'

'No, it's so _sweet,' said Janice enthusiastically. 'You're as cute as a basket of __kittens!' She drank more coffee and bit into her muffin._

'Mm, great _muffin!' she said. 'Well, with you guys as an __example, maybe I should consider a relationship with a __woman. I might __get somewhere.' She cackled briefly. 'Perhaps you could tell me where I could go to find women who might be __interested.'_

Rachel giggled involuntarily at the very thought of the havoc that Janice would wreak if she appeared in the club that she and Monica sometimes went to with Carol and Susan. Monica directed a quelling glance at her.

'Janice dear,' she said gently, 'it's not as easy as that. I mean – have you ever felt yourself attracted to a woman, for instance?'

Janice suddenly looked embarrassed. 'Well, actually, _yeah.'_

'Oh, who?' Rachel asked, intrigued.

'Um, I really shouldn't _say,' said Janice, looking down and fiddling with her watch strap._

'Oh, go on, Janice, your secret is safe with us,' said Rachel merrily. 'We of all people should sympathise.'

'Don't push her, Rachel,' said Monica. Then light dawned. 'You mean – one of us?'

Janice looked up with an apprehensive expression and nodded. 'Actually, it's _you. Rachel and Phoebe are both very __attractive, but I never felt the same way about them.'_

'Wow!' said Rachel. 'Mon, you should be flattered.'

'I am,' said Monica. She smiled at Janice. 'But I'm completely committed to Rachel.'

'I know _that!' said Janice with a touch of irritation. 'Anyway, you're not the __only one. I've felt a similar __attraction to other women I've known or even just __seen. But obviously I feel a lot of attraction to __guys too.'_

'Do you know Chloe in the copying shop nearby?' said Rachel.

'Rachel!' said Monica, frowning. 'That's _not kind.'_

'Why, what about this Chloe?' said Janice in puzzlement.

Monica realised that Janice could know nothing of the great breakup with Ross. She explained briefly. Janice listened open-mouthed. She looked at Rachel at the end, frowning a little.

'Why should you want to set me up with _Chloe, then?' Her jaw dropped. 'What, you think that would pay Chloe __out? Am I __that hard to take?' She looked about to burst into tears again._

Full of remorse, Rachel scooted along the couch and hugged her. 'I'm so sorry, Janice. It was unfeeling of me. I do apologise.'

Janice smiled a little. 'Okay. But _look, you guys,' she went on seriously, 'if there's something about me, something that may be __offputting, which obviously I don't __recognise in myself, I wish you'd __tell me. I've had enough __heartbreak, God knows.' She looked at them pleadingly._

Monica and Rachel looked at each other.

'I say we do it,' said Rachel. 'I want to help Janice now, as payback for being mean in the past, even if she didn't notice.'

'Oh, I _noticed,' said Janice a little bitterly. 'But you've __changed now. I've never known you so __friendly as you were when I came in.'_

'It's because we're so happy,' said Rachel. 'Come on, Mon, let's help Janice to understand her faults and, hopefully, overcome them.'

Monica looked a little uncertain, but finally nodded. 'Okay, but I'm not sure how much we can do. I mean – Janice, have you always laughed like that?'

Janice looked guilty and blushed a little. 'I … well, um … that is to say … to be perfectly _honest, I put it __on a lot of the time.'_

Rachel gave a little shriek of laughter. 'Ooh, did you do it to wind us up? Well, it certainly worked, and I bet we deserved it sometimes.'

'But it wasn't smart to do it with Chandler,' said Monica. 'It grated on him, except during that one time when he was deeply in love with you.'

 'I know,' said Janice sadly, 'but I had got so into the _habit …'_

'Right,' said Monica bracingly. 'Well, that's one thing you can work on, cutting down on that kind of laugh. No one's saying you can't laugh at all.'

'Say, is there a _lot of this?' said Janice uneasily. 'Because I have to be getting back __soon, or my babysitter will cut up rough.'_

'Oh yes!' cried Rachel. 'How's your little girl? We completely forgot to ask.'

Janice smiled. 'She's a _doll. She's the __best thing in my life.'_

They both beamed at her. 'Some day soon, I want to get pregnant,' said Monica. 'I'll be glad of advice from you then. Okay, well, to be honest, you could do quite a lot to … improve your chances of keeping a guy – or attracting a woman, if you feel that way inclined. Why don't you come round again some time?'

'Could I really?' said Janice eagerly. 'Maybe I could bring my little girl. Would you like to see her?'

'We'd be delighted,' said Monica firmly, while Rachel clapped her hands and said, 'Ooh yes, I would!'

Janice got to her feet and looked at them seriously. _'Thanks, you guys,' she said in a very sincere voice. 'You did the right thing, telling me, and you've been __great since. We'd better exchange telephone numbers, and then I must be __off.'_

They saw her to the door and bade her a friendly farewell; Rachel actually hugged her.

Monica grinned at her when Janice was gone. 'All this hugging Janice! If I didn't know you better, I'd be jealous.'

'It's just … I'm so happy, I want everyone else to be,' said Rachel, giving her a loving look. 'We keep this quiet from the guys, right?'

'I see no reason to tell them,' said Monica. 'Okay, I think at least one of us needs a shower.'

'You want to come and … scrub my back?' said Rachel, with a seductive glance.

'Why do you think I suggested it?' said Monica. Laughing, they went off to their bedroom to get ready.


	2. Revelations and Plans

Chapter 2: Revelations and Plans

_'Here they are!' said Phoebe, looking indulgently at Monica and Rachel as they entered Central Perk hand in hand, last of all the group to appear._

'Sorry we're late!' Monica cried, but she looked anything but sorry. Her eyes were bright, her cheeks were slightly flushed, and her smile was dazzling. Phoebe gave a meaning cough, caught Rachel's eye, and shook her head in mock reproof. Rachel giggled and winked, completely unabashed; she was also looking particularly beautiful and happy.

Ross frowned. He had managed to accept Monica and Rachel's relationship, but sometimes he wished that they would not be quite so obvious about the fact that they made love. 'Well, everyone's here now?' he said. 'Kathy still rehearsing, Chandler?'

'Yes,' said Chandler resignedly. 'You know how it is. When Joey's in a play, we barely see him when it gets close to opening night.'

'Right,' said Ross. 'Okay, so this is all we're going to be. Anyone got any ideas for where to eat?'

The custom of eating as a group every Sunday night that they could manage had become established not too long after Ross's marriage, as a way for Ross in particular to keep in touch with his friends. Emily positively encouraged this, saying that it gave her a night off from cooking and washing up and a chance to see Monica and Rachel, of whom she had become very fond since they had done so much to make her feel at home in New York.

'How about Japanese?' said Rachel mischievously. 'I could really go for some unagi.'

[Author's note: I know The One With The Unagi comes in Series 6. This is around Series 6 time, so let's suppose that Ross has been going on about unagi at some point between his marriage and the opening of this story]

Ross drew in a breath, saw everyone else looking at him in amused expectancy, including Emily, and let it out again. 'You might let that one go, Rach,' he said in an aggrieved tone. 'I'm sure the word I want must be very _like unagi.'_

Rachel giggled. 'I'm sorry, Ross, I just couldn't resist it. All right, seriously, I'm in the mood for something oriental, and not too heavy. I've made some brownies, with help from Monica, and I want you guys to try them after dinner.'

'Ooh, brownies!' said Emily, her eyes lighting up. 'I _love brownies!'_

'We'll make sure to keep some for you,' said Monica, 'so you don't need to hold back at dinner.'

'As if I would anyway,' said Emily, grinning. 'None of this slimming nonsense for me.'

'That's my girl,' said Joey, who thoroughly approved of Emily's hearty appetite. 'Well, I'd prefer Chinese to Japanese. You get more for your dough, the way I see it.'

Since no one objected or had any other positive suggestions, they agreed on a Chinese meal, rang round to get a reservation, and shortly set off. Monica and Rachel were in such high spirits that they infected the whole group. Even Ross relaxed completely and joined in recalling memories of all the ludicrous things that had happened to them, individually and together, which they managed to make so funny that Emily was reduced to tears of laughter, even though she had heard several of the stories before.

The general atmosphere of bonhomie prompted Joey to introduce the story of his bet with Chandler, before Chandler could prevent it. The reaction, however, was not what he expected. After a moment's stunned silence, Emily said slowly, 'I don't think that's very funny.'

'Yeah, betting on whether you'll get someone into bed – that's pretty unfeeling, you guys,' said Ross. 'And this means we'll have "Oh – my – God!" Janice around again. Didn't you care about all the anguish you will be inflicting on us?'

Rachel angrily drew breath to speak, but Monica tugged urgently at her sleeve and leaned in to whisper, 'Don't tell them. If they think they're going to have some fun with this, we can have some fun with them. Joey needs a lesson, don't you think?'

A smile spread across Rachel's face, and she nodded. Nobody noticed this, because Phoebe had attracted the others' attention by saying emphatically, 'You're meddling with forces you don't understand, Joey.'

Joey shook his head. 'You're wrong, Pheebs, I understand women perfectly,' he said with a smirk, then ducked hastily as the women threw napkins and half-eaten rolls at him. 'What was that for?' he said with an air of injured innocence. 'I didn't say anything wrong.'

'You only understand one kind of woman, Joey Tribbiani,' said Phoebe severely.

'Yeah,' said Rachel, 'the easy kind.'

'_Not what I was thinking,' said Phoebe a bit huffily. 'No, what I was __going to say was, Joey, your women are generally, y'know, __uncomplicated. Janice is complicated – '_

'I'll say,' Chandler chimed in. 'Look, Joe, tell you what, you can back out, but you forfeit, shall we say twenty bucks?'

' – _and,' Phoebe continued, glaring at Chandler for interrupting her, 'you don't handle complicated women well. Look at Kate.'_

This made Joey look thoughtful for a moment, but then he shook his head. 'Nah, Janice is nothing like Kate.'

Emily was looking perplexed. 'Who is Janice, anyway?' she said.

There was a pregnant pause. Then, before any of the men could speak, Monica said, 'Let's not spoil a good evening with talk of Janice. Rachel and I can tell you _all about her sometime, Emily. The only thing you need to know is that she had a __long history with Chandler, and we used to find her hard to take.'_

This effectively undercut the more derogatory comments that Ross and Joey looked ready to make. Rachel squeezed Monica's arm and murmured 'Smart!' admiringly. Monica grinned at her, then noticed that Phoebe was staring at her fixedly. When she turned, Phoebe raised her eyebrows in an exaggerated look of enquiry.

'Later,' Monica mouthed at her. Luckily, Phoebe caught the sense of this; she nodded.

When they returned to Monica and Rachel's apartment to sample the brownies, Phoebe sidled up to Monica. 'You're up to something,' she said. 'You jumped in on Emily's question very fast.'

'Can't get much past you,' said Monica lightly. 'Look, if we take some time to tell Emily about Janice, I can explain what's going on at the same time.'

'Fine,' said Phoebe.

'Okay,' said Monica in a loud voice. 'We're now going to give Emily the lowdown on Janice from the women's point of view, so why don't you guys take another brownie and go watch TV or play computer games or something?'

'Fine with me,' said Ross. 'I've had enough of Janice to last me a _long time. Come collect me when you're ready, Emily.'_

The men trooped out, and Emily looked at Monica with an amused expression, 'You seem very keen for the men not to have their say on this,' she remarked.

Monica laughed. 'You're as bad as Phoebe. You should team up as detectives. Well, the fact is, Janice came to visit us this afternoon, and we're going to help her.'

'Wow!' said Phoebe. 'And of course we tip her off about what's going on, so she can give Joey a hard time?' She looked gleeful at the prospect.

'That's my thinking,' said Monica. 'He needs a little lesson. Okay, Emily, here's the whole story.' She proceeded to tell Emily the history of Janice and Chandler, with Rachel and Phoebe commenting occasionally, and ended with the revelations of Janice's visit.

'I always thought that she and Chandler were cute together, when they met over the Web,' said Phoebe. 'I told you all the stuff he said then, like how great she was and all that. It made me think differently about her. If you could change her way of talking and carrying on, she could be a great person, that anyone would want.'

'She sounds rather fun, to me,' said Emily. 'I'd like to meet her.'

'Why don't you come round when she visits us?' said Monica. 'She might bring her baby too.'

'Maybe you could train her to talk with a British accent,' said Rachel mischievously.

Emily giggled. 'It's not easily done, though one or two American film stars have managed it. But it sounds to me as if her natural way of talking just wouldn't fit. You don't want her speaking in a monotone, like Marlon Brando in that film about stirring up a slave revolt in the Caribbean – he showed no expression in his voice at all! Very few Englishmen talk like that.'

'You disappoint me,' said Phoebe. 'You mean they're not all stuffed shirts? Of course, _I didn't go to London to see for myself.' Monica and Rachel rolled their eyes at each other; they thought Phoebe had given up harping on this ancient grievance._

'Well, you wouldn't call those friends of mine who played rugby with Ross, and who you met, stuffed shirts, now would you?' said Emily spiritedly. 'Englishmen tend to be much more like that these days than like … David Niven, for example.'

'Now I _am disappointed,' said Phoebe. 'You mean there aren't even any like Hugh Grant?' She looked at Emily dolefully._

Emily laughed. 'You're winding me up, aren't you?' she said, and suddenly leaned forward and gave Phoebe a hug and kiss. 'I do like you people. Sometimes I think … well, never mind. I'd love to come round to meet Janice. Just give me a call when you fix a meeting. I can do my typing any time, as long as I make the deadline.'

'Still no luck getting a full-time job?' said Phoebe sympathetically.

Emily made a face. 'Oh, they're ready to hire a person with a British accent for the front desk, or to answer calls, but they don't take me seriously when it comes to proper jobs. Maybe I should take a job like that just to get a foothold, but,' she sighed heavily, 'I _don't think Ross would like it – and I suppose that's what has to count. Well, I'd better collect him and get home.'_

She got to her feet, kissed them all goodbye, and went out. When she had gone, Monica sighed.

'I'm not sure all is _completely well in that marriage,' she said a little sombrely._

'No,' said Phoebe in a neutral tone.

'Oh, I _did want Ross to be happy,' said Rachel rather sadly. 'Is there anything we can do?'_

Monica sighed again. 'Not much, until they admit there is a problem. We must just be as supportive as we can for both of them.'

Rachel nodded. 'At least Ross is not uptight about Emily hanging out with us. You remember all that fuss about Susan?'

'Even Ross could hardly imagine that you guys are interested in anyone but each other,' said Phoebe fondly. 'You know, I feel a little jealous of what you have sometimes, and I doubt I'm the only one. But, hey, do you think Chandler and Kathy are getting on well?'

'Oh, not Chandler too!' Rachel wailed. 'Monica, say it isn't so!'

Monica hugged her. 'My dear soft-hearted Rachel. No, I think they're doing okay at the moment – but I wouldn't bet against their breaking up eventually. It just doesn't seem to be going anywhere.' She looked at Phoebe seriously. I'm sorry if we make you feel jealous, Pheebs. We're certainly not trying to.'

Phoebe waved her hands dismissively. 'It's inevitable – and it's not like I'm unhappy. It's just … sometimes I'd like to be where you are. Other times I think, no, I want to keep my independence.'

'We have that,' said Monica gently.

'Yeah, because neither of you is a _guy,' said Phoebe a little fiercely. 'With a guy, I don't care what you say, you lose your independence. You're all the time thinking of how __he is going to be feeling about things, like Emily just now.'_

'Lots of guys spend all the time worrying about how their wives or girlfriends will feel about things,' said Rachel reasonably. 'Look at Chandler when he was with Janice that last time.'

Phoebe threw up her hands. 'Ooh, I can't have a good old rant at guys with you any more! Now you're together, seems like you're _so sympathetic to guys, even though you've rejected them.'_

 Monica and Rachel both laughed. 'Maybe it's because we're not hung up on how to get into relationships with them now,' said Monica, 'but unlike true lesbians, we _have had relationships with them in the past, and so we know what they can be like. We can see both sides, and be balanced about it all.'_

'Well, so can I, I guess,' said Phoebe. 'So, anyway, when are we going to have a session of, like, grooming Janice for stardom?'

They got out diaries and discussed possible dates. Late afternoon on the following Friday seemed a good one, so Monica rang Janice to confirm. She took the opportunity to warn her of the bet between Chandler and Joey, and held the phone away from her ear with a pained expression as Janice's '_What?' rang through the room loud and clear._

'We could have a lot of fun with this, if you'll play along,' she said in a placating way, and outlined some ideas, like that she should be at her most exaggerated when with Joey, but completely toned down when in Central Perk, where they expected that she would show up sooner or later.

'I guess I'll need some _training to be toned down,' Janice said wryly. 'But I agree, this could be __fun. In fact,' she went on in a conspiratorial tone, 'since you have __inside __information, maybe you could get some bets down, for yourselves __and me. We would be betting with the __best of it, which is the way I __dearly love to bet, as Damon Runyon would put it.' She burst into machinegun laughter, then stopped abruptly and said, 'Oops. Sorry, Monica.'_

'That's okay,' said Monica. 'You mustn't get out of practice altogether. I think Chandler might get suspicious if we wanted to put bets down, but it's worth thinking about. We should see how things develop.'

'Yeah,' said Janice. 'Well, I'll keep a _weather eye_ open for Joey. See you Friday.'


	3. First Meeting

Chapter 3: First Meeting

Author's Note: This is rather short, but I think it makes an episode and am short of time to move the story along. Reactions, please.

Janice was doing a little late afternoon shopping in her local supermarket, and smiling to herself as she remembered how she had encountered Chandler there, when she spotted Joey. She almost burst out laughing at his lame attempt to appear casual and to encounter her by chance, and decided to goose him.

'_Joey!' she cried. 'What a __surprise, running into you __here! You're way off your usual __beat, aren't you?' Several people looked around, as she was operating almost at full decibels._

'Why, hello, Janice,' he said, turning with an embarrassed expression. 'Yeah, I'm, uh, looking for stuff for a pasta sauce and the, uh, tomatoes at our local place don't look too good, and Chandler said this looked a pretty good store.'

'Right!' she cried with maximum enthusiasm. 'You cook Italian stuff, don't you? Mm, _love those sauces – marinara, carbonara, bolognese! Well,__ tomatoes are __not round here.' Seizing him by the arm, she firmly steered him to the fresh food area, and "helped" him pick out a selection of the best tomatoes, a good garlic, nice basil leaves and other useful items. Then, of course, as she had suspected, it transpired that he didn't have the money to pay for them. Having the greatest difficulty in not exploding when he claimed he must have left his money in his other jeans, she offered him a deal._

'I'll pay for your stuff if you help me get _my stuff back to my place,' she said. She could almost see the lightbulb go on over his head as he realised that this would get him into her apartment. He accepted with a smile that had elements of a leer about it._

Determined to get her money's worth out of him, she dragged him all over the store for the next twenty minutes, picking up a load of small items that she had been meaning to get. As she paid for everything, she remarked casually, 'Say, have you heard from _Chandler recently? How's he __doing in Yemen?' She picked up the lightest-looking bag, leaving him to carry the rest._

'Well, uh, um,' went Joey as she struggled to get everything into his arms. 'Well, Janice, I, uh, don't know how to tell you this – '

She stopped dead in front of the exit. 'What?' she said, looking at him intently. 'You sound _serious. Has he … got himself someone else, in __Yemen?'_

She was speaking loudly, and several of the customers and staff, who had noticed the noisy progress of Janice and Joey round the supermarket, lingered nearby to listen, with expressions of interest.

'He, uh, never went to Yemen,' said Joey.

'But I saw him get on the _plane,' Janice protested._

'Yeah, uh, but he came right back, as soon as he could,' Joey explained, beginning to look even more embarrassed as he realised that they had a growing audience.

'Why would he _do that?' she asked at full volume._

'Janice, this may not be the best place – ' said Joey, now wearing a very harried expression .

'No, tell me right _now!' she demanded, stamping her foot. 'Did he have someone else__ here?' She tried to make herself sound on the verge of tears._

'No no,' cried Joey in alarm. 'It's just …' He paused, realising that what he was about to say might produce even more of an adverse reaction than saying that Chandler had someone else.

'_What?' Janice virtually screamed, enjoying herself immensely._

'He, he couldn't face telling you that you and he were through,' Joey stammered. The audience gave a collective gasp.

Janice stood frozen for a moment, then dropped her bag and gave vent to as loud a howl as she could manage and threw herself upon Joey, sobbing wildly. Evidently wishing the earth would open and swallow them up, Joey tried as best he could to comfort her, though badly hampered by having both arms full of supermarket bags.

Janice was refusing to be comforted. 'All this time!' she shrieked. 'All this _time, and he didn't have the __guts to tell me! And none of the rest of you did, either! What's the matter, don't you __like me?'_

There was a murmur of sympathy from the onlookers. Joey's actor soul responded to an audience, and he also realised that to get anywhere with her he could not afford even to hint that this might be true. 'Sure I like you, Janice,' he protested. 'It's just, well,' he had what he thought was a brainwave, 'he could change his mind again. He's been off and on with you so many times … and I didn't want to be the one to hurt you.' He put a lot of fake emotion into this, and swelled with pride when the audience responded. This was better than being on stage.

Janice pulled off his shoulder and looked up at him, blinking a lot so that he could not spot the lack of tears in her eyes. 'Oh, Joey, do you really _mean that? You really __care about hurting me?' she said in suitably astonished tones._

He tried to smile naturally. 'Yeah, I do, Janice.' He drew on his memories of the Chandler and Kathy business. 'That's why I've been uneasy about you. I was attracted to you, but you were Chandler's girl.'

As the audience made appreciative noises at this impromptu slice of soap opera, Janice got out a handkerchief and made a big production of wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. 'Well, I don't know what to _say,' she said slightly haltingly. 'I mean, this is all so __sudden.' She sighed, and squared her shoulders. 'Come on, let's get this stuff back to my _apartment_.' She picked up the bag she had dropped and set off. The audience murmured again, and some actually applauded._

'Good as Days of Our Lives,' said an old woman, stepping into his path. 'Say, weren't you in that once, young man?'

Joey sighed. 'I was Dr. Drake Ramoray.'

The old woman cackled. 'Dropped down a lift shaft, didn't you? Kinda careless. And is that yer young lady? No, 'course not, that's what this whole scene was about.' Like others there, she seemed to be confusing what she had been seeing with a scene on TV.

Janice had turned when perceiving that Joey had been held up. She was finding it harder and harder not to laugh, and let rip briefly at this opportunity.

'I'm not his young lady _yet,' she said archly, 'but stranger things have happened at __sea, eh Joey?'_

The wince disguised in a smile with which he responded to this was worth the price of admission in itself to Janice. She let off another, longer laugh and dug him in the ribs, then marched off, to cheers from the audience. Hastily Joey followed.

Janice showed no hesitation in letting Joey follow her into her apartment. 'Put it all in the kitchen,' she said. 'We must sort out what's yours. Would you like a drink for your help?'

'I could use a beer,' Joey said, hoping she would have one too.

'Sure,' she said, and got one out of the fridge and opened it for him, but she took a Snapple for herself.

'Come sit for a while,' she said, 'and tell me about the _others. What's everyone doing? How are Ross and Rachel doing, and are the other girls dating anyone __nice?'_

'Well, uh,' he began, not sure what to say. But he knew that Monica and Rachel were completely open about their relationship, and if he ever brought Janice to Central Perk it would be bound to come out. He thought back to how things had been when Janice had hung out with them.

'Well … Ross and Rachel broke up,' he said. 'And Ross is now married to a British girl called Emily, here in New York, but,' he held up a hand as Janice appeared about to speak, 'that's not all. Before this marriage, Rachel and Monica fell in love, and now _they're married to each other!' He sat back to await her reaction at this astounding revelation_

'Wooow!' Janice breathed, widening her eyes. 'That _is news! However did that happen?' She knew perfectly well, of course, but was curious to see what Joey would say._

'Well, uh, I'm not sure I really understand it,' said Joey rather desperately. 'Anyway, what's new with you, Janice?'

She did another laugh. '_Evasive action, huh? Okay, I won't press you on that, but I must say, I'm surprised.'_

'They're so happy,' said Joey sentimentally. 'It would do you good to see it. And Mon's always cooking this great food for us, because she's so happy, and now Rach is learning to cook too.'

'Yeah, you always did like your _food, didn't you?' said Janice in a friendly sort of way. 'Well, if they're happy, that's what __counts. How about my Bing-a-ling? Is __he happy?'_

Joey looked uncomfortable. 'Well, he's going with this actress called Kathy. It's quite a long story, as she started off being my girl.'

'Well, well, _well!' said Janice merrily. 'There you sit in Central Perk drinking your __coffee, and who would guess all __this was going on?' She drained her Snapple. 'Now if you don't _mind_, Joey, I must go pick up my daughter. I left her with a neighbour; we do good _turns_ for each other that way. You sort out your __stuff and put it in any bag you want.'_

Joey cursed himself for forgetting that Janice had a child. Unreasonably, he blamed Chandler for not having reminded him. While Janice was gone and he was collecting the unwanted vegetables, he reckoned that Janice's daughter must be well past three by now. He wondered idly what she would be like. He was pleasantly surprised when Janice returned with a pretty little dark-haired moppet, who seemed rather like a miniature version of Janice, without the mannerisms and laugh. He had to admit, Janice came across as a pretty good mom. He was impressed when she told her daughter, whose name turned out to be Maggie, in a much softer voice than she normally used, but quite firmly, that she had already watched enough TV for that day and should find something else to do. Maggie acted like she was quite used to obeying her mom and went off to look for a colouring book.

Janice smiled at Joey. 'Well, Joey,' she said, 'don't let me _keep_ you.'

He summoned up all his nerve and put on his most charming smile. 'Say, uh, would you like a date some time? Maybe even a lunch date, if the evenings are difficult for you?'

'Why, Joey,' said Janice, putting her hand on her heart and fluttering her eyelashes at him, 'you certainly know how to sweep a girl off her _feet. Look, I can't say yes or no right __now. I have to make __arrangements for Maggie. I'll __call you, okay?'_

'Uh, I don't have a cellphone,' he said, 'and, um, you might not want to call the apartment and get Chandler.'

She laughed, giving it all she'd got. 'That's not going to bother _me, and if it makes _him_ a bit jumpy, well, serve him __right, is what I say. But okay, if you're __uneasy about it, I'll get a message to you through Monica – you have __her number, I guess?'_

Joey, trying not to grit his teeth too visibly at her laugh, nodded and rattled it off once she had a piece of paper to write it on. Then he gave her his practised grin and left. Once she was sure he would be out of earshot, Janice sat down and laughed until her sides ached, so much that Maggie came, hoping to see something funny.

'You're too _young to understand, sweetie,' said Janice, hugging her, 'but when you grow up, you'll find that men can be so __funny sometimes, even when they're not _trying_ to be.' She shook her head and laughed some more. Mystified, but pleased that her mother was so happy, Maggie went back to her colouring book._

Janice could not bear keeping this to herself, and rang Monica.

'Are you _alone?' she said conspiratorially. 'I've __got to tell you this – it's so_ funny_.'_

'Only Rachel here,' said Monica, beckoning to her. 'Lay it on us, Janice.'

They both listened at the cellphone as Janice told of her meeting with Joey, with many pauses as one or more of them broke down in helpless laughter.

'Oh Janice,' Monica gasped, when she had finished. 'I just _wish I'd been there to see! Oh, this is going to be such fun, isn't it?'_

'I think so,' came Janice's voice, sounding pleased that they had enjoyed the story so much. 'I'll be in touch.'


	4. Why Janice Is Like That

Chapter 4: Why Janice Is Like That 

'Well, I think we've made progress,' said Monica brightly, but if she was honest with herself, she was not so sure. Janice had not taken her exposition of how her voice and mannerisms irritated people any too well, although she had tried to present it in the mildest possible manner, aided by Rachel, who was seated beside Janice to give her moral support. Having her daughter there might have affected Janice, but Phoebe had quickly taken her over and was happily playing with her.

Janice was looking rather downcast. 'I sure hope we have,' she said in a subdued voice. 'I never realised I came on so _strong_.'

Rachel hugged her sympathetically. 'You'll be fine,' she said. 'You just have to ease off a bit.'

There came a knock at the door. 'I hope that's Emily,' said Rachel, jumping up. Emily had rung earlier to say that there was this manuscript that she had to finish typing, but she would be along as soon as she could.

'Here's a chance to practise,' said Monica to Janice, who nodded rather disspiritedly.

It was indeed Emily. 'Hi, Rachel!' she said, exchanging kisses. 'I hope there are some of your brownies or something left to eat. I'm _starving_, after all that typing.'

'We have a secret store that we keep hidden from our local cookie monster,' said Rachel. 'So never fear that we'll have _nothing_ to offer you. Coffee?'

'Yes please,' said Emily, advancing into the room. Monica jumped up to kiss her in welcome.

'Emily, I'd like you to meet Janice,' she said.

'How d'you do?' said Emily cheerfully, sticking out a hand. Janice took it and said, 'Pleased to meet you,' in a low voice. They smiled at each other and sat down side by side on the couch. Interested in the new arrival, Maggie came over.

'This is my daughter Maggie,' said Janice. Her voice was virtually toneless.

'Hello, Maggie,' said Emily, darting an enquiring glance at Janice.

Maggie frowned. 'You have a funny voice.'

'That's because I'm British,' said Emily, smiling, as she grabbed the first of a plate of cookies that Monica had quickly assembled from what was on the table, and accepted a large mug of coffee from Rachel. 'The British talk differently from Americans – and there are even lots of different ways of talking in Britain. Would you like to hear some?'

Maggie looked thoughtful. 'Okay.'

'Well, here's how our housekeeper at home talks: _The Waltham residence. This is the housekeeper speaking_,' she fluted in a very modulated voice.

Maggie giggled.

'And here's how my father talks: _Would you care to see the wine cellar that I could **not** get those damn vulgar Gellers to pay for?_' Her voice now was very fruity and pompous.

Not only Maggie but all the others giggled.

'And all Ulstermen talk as if they had a mouthful of potato, more or less,' Emily went on, 'and as for the other Irish, _d'ya know what I'm goin' ta tell ya, damn the harm whisky did to annywan, bar bein' taken to excess. Sure, isn't it the water of life?_' She somehow managed to convey a lifetime of whisky drinking in a hoarse, confidential tone. 'But a Scotsman from Glasgow, like Billy Connolly, would say' – her voice went rather high pitched and disputatious – '_Depressed? I cannae understand why anyone should go around complaining of being bleeping depressed. Fa' Goad's sake get a bleeping beer or two intae yersel' an' chase 'em wi' a wee dram, an' ye'll no' be bleeping depressed!_' She surveyed her collapsing audience calmly, grinning a little.

'What's all that about?' said Maggie, looking mystified.

'_Alcohol_!' said Emily in a deep 'monster' voice, widening her eyes and showing her teeth in a ferocious grimace. 'The Demon Drink!' she amplified, going even deeper.

Maggie giggled. 'You're _silly_.' Emily let her face go back to normal and smiled at her.

'Gee, Emily, you're a _riot_!' cried Janice, completely in her old voice.

Emily looked at her. 'That's better,' she said. 'Now you sound like a human being. I'm not clear what the problem is here. As you can tell, I like distinctive voices. It comes from all those years at home and at Cheltenham, my school, when I heard mostly the same kind of voice. I did enjoy university, where there were people from all over. I don't suppose any of you can do the hillbilly type in The Simpsons, can you? I love that voice, but I can't do it for toffee.'

The others shook their heads, grinning. But Janice now looked determined to air her feelings. 'They say my voice _irritates_ people,' she said in an aggrieved tone, 'and the way I _emphasise_ words and get over-_dramatic_.' She waved her hands as she spoke.

Emily frowned slightly. 'Well, that's three words you've emphasised in one sentence. Maybe you _should_ consider cutting back on emphasising.'

'And then there's my _laugh_!' Janice ploughed on. 'And even what I say when I'm _surprised_. I mean, give me a _break_, you guys!'

'What do you say when you're surprised?' asked Emily interestedly.

'Wait, she has to do it naturally,' said Phoebe. 'Someone think of something to surprise Janice.'

Naturally no one could think of anything.

'I know what,' said Monica. 'Janice, tell Emily the story of how you met Joey in the supermarket. She hasn't heard it anyway, nor has Phoebe in full.'

'Oh _yeah_!' cried Janice. 'That was just so _funny_, Emily! See, here he_ comes_, wandering around the supermarket like he just _happens_ to be there when I am, but _easing_ up close to me …' She proceeded to tell the story, quickly having not only Emily, but Phoebe, and even Monica and Rachel, who had heard it before, in fits of laughter as she drew a vivid word picture of Joey's attempts to conceal his embarrassment and suggest he had feelings for her. Even Maggie was giggling at times as she watched her mother intently. When Janice was well into it and had lost any trace of self-consciousness, she was saying, '… and then he asks me for a _date_, and I'm like, "Oh – my – _God!_", though I didn't actually _say_ that …', and then she stopped, for Emily had gone from laughing into a coughing fit, as if she had inhaled a crumb. Janice gave her a good bang on the back, with a '_There _you go!' and Emily gave a squawk, took a large mouthful of coffee, swilled it around and swallowed it, and leaned back gasping. She looked round at them all.

'Look,' she said a bit hoarsely, 'I've only just met Janice, while you've encountered her quite often, but I can't believe you want to drain all this liveliness out of her.'

'It's not that,' said Monica defensively, 'but, well, she wanted to know what it was about her that Chandler couldn't stand, and other men too. When you're telling a story like that,' she said, turning to Janice, 'it works, even "Oh – my – _God!_" It's just … you're like that so much of the time.'

'That's Mommy's story-telling voice,' said Maggie suddenly.

Phoebe narrowed her eyes. 'I think I see what it is,' she said. 'You're all the time, like, _acting_ in the story of your life.'

Janice's mouth fell open. She looked stunned. 'Oh – my – God!' she said, but very quietly. 'I never thought of it like that, but … maybe you're right.'

'But you don't talk like that to Maggie all the time, do you?' said Emily.

'No,' said Janice slowly. 'It … it doesn't seem right.'

'So, really, what you need to do,' said Monica, 'is talk to adults more the way that you talk to Maggie, and not dress it up so much all the time.'

Janice nodded. 'Okay, I'll try,' she said quietly. She was looking very thoughtful. 'I guess it's because I'm often nervous with adults round about my own age,' she said. 'Whereas I can handle my parents, and other older people, and also children, okay.'

'Did they make fun of you in school?' said Emily. 'Maybe because of your voice?'

'Uh huh,' said Janice, a rather haunted expression appearing on her face. 'I mean, my voice is _naturally_ rather nasal, you know? There's not much I can _do_ about that, but you try telling kids when you're just a kid yourself and nobody's told you before that you talk funny. Yeah, I got teased a lot, and when that wasn't so much fun they just _excluded _me, you know.'

Sensing her unhappiness, Rachel was about to go over and give her a hug, when Emily forestalled her. 'There, there,' she said warmly. 'It seems obvious to me. You've been compensating for how you were treated at school. You developed all these traits to draw attention to yourself, so people _couldn't_ ignore you, even if they laughed at you. But there's no need to do that now. The people you meet didn't know you at school; they have no past history with you, and you don't have to put on an act for them.'

Janice whipped out a handkerchief and blew her nose loudly. 'Thanks a bunch, Emily,' she said, smiling at her. 'There's a lot in that, and I will give it plenty of thought. So, let's get back to the story; where was I?'

'Joey was trying to get a date,' said Phoebe, who had been following all this with a very interested look on her face. 'But I guess that's like the end, more or less. Can I say, your aura's looking a lot better, though also confused?'

'Well, I'm_ feeling _all mixed up,' said Janice. 'This has been heavy stuff. But I think I can handle it. Now, should I still _act_ the old Janice when I'm with Joey?'

They looked at each other.

'We haven't had a real view of the new Janice yet,' Monica pointed out.

Janice gave a slightly rueful smile. 'To be honest, I don't know quite what the new me will be like,' she said. 'Okay, shall I just go with my instincts, which, of course, include making Joey _suffer_ a little, just for coming up with this scheme? I mean, the way I heard it from you, it was his idea to put money on it.'

'Yeah, go with your instincts,' Phoebe urged. 'I hope he brings you to Central Perk soon. I want to see him pretending he's in love with you.'

'I'm hoping for it,' said Janice, grinning. 'You know, he told me the big news, that Monica and Rachel had got married, so I'm officially allowed to know that now. But he was very evasive on how it had all happened.'

'Yeah, I'll bet!' said Phoebe rather indignantly. 'The outcome has been marvellous, but it's hard to forget how badly those two behaved.'

'Sssh!' said Monica, glancing at Maggie, who had been looking bored and even impatient, as if she wanted to go home, but now showed interest.

Janice got up. 'Yeah, come on, sweetheart, let's get you home,' she said to Maggie lovingly. 'We're out of our usual schedule, but I guess it doesn't matter just once in a while.'

'Yes, it _does_, mommy,' said Maggie sternly.

'Oh gee, I guess that means an extra story,' said Janice, smiling down at her.

'No, just my favourite that you won't read more than once a week, and you already read it this week,' said Maggie determinedly.

Janice groaned. "The Tale of Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle",' she said in a sepulchral tone. 'If I had a dollar for every time I've read that …' She rolled her eyes. 'But it's worth it in the interests of domestic harmony.'

[Author's Note: authentic piece of Exintaris's past life here, folks!]

The others laughed.

'You watch out,' Janice said, wagging a finger. 'Some day, all this will happen to you, if you're lucky.'

She and Maggie said their goodbyes, Maggie saying that she wanted to see the big lady again, which made Phoebe look very pleased, and then left.

'Did you notice?' said Emily when they'd gone. 'She didn't overemphasise a single word in those last things she said, even though there were natural openings for her to do so.'

The other three nodded. 'You're smart, Emily,' said Rachel admiringly. 'I couldn't have analysed Janice's behaviour like that. Have another cookie.'

'My reward,' said Emily, eagerly grabbing one. 'Well, I can hardly wait to see what Janice will be like when we are allowed to officially meet her.'


	5. Appreciation For An Art Lover

Chapter 5: Appreciation For An Art Lover

Author's Note: For Janice's love of art, see 2, 24. I can't recall anything in any episode suggesting that Ross has such an interest, but as the most intellectual of the Friends he could well do so, and why not Emily too? At this time of present-giving, it can be my gift to her.

-----

'Guys, I have something to tell you,' said Joey nervously. They were all assembled for their Sunday night meeting, including Kathy.

The others looked at him enquiringly.

'Janice will be here soon,' he said. 'She's, um, going on a date with me. I know you don't approve, but give me a fair chance to win my bet with Chandler, okay? Don't give her hints about what's going on.'

Most of the women darted sly glances at each other.

'Sure, Joey,' said Rachel easily. 'We'll keep our mouths shut.'

'Well, if Janice is coming, we're going,' Ross growled, getting up. But Emily didn't move.

'Oh Ross, let's stay a little while,' she said in a wheedling voice. 'Remember, I've never met Janice, and I find it hard to believe that she's as awful as you make out.'

'Oh, very well,' said Ross grumpily, sitting down again. 'But I'm not staying long.'

'What about you?' said Kathy to Chandler. 'I'd have thought you'd run a mile, from what you've told me.'

'Ah, but there's money involved,' said Chandler lightly.

'Chandler, you aren't planning to sabotage me, are you?' said Joey indignantly. 'That's not fair!'

As Chandler was defending himself, with an air of injured innocence, the door of Central Perk opened and Janice walked in. Phoebe was first to spot her as she hung up her coat, then approached; the rest were too focussed on Joey and Chandler's squabble. Janice put her finger to her lips. Phoebe grinned.

'Hey you guys,' Janice said, when she reached them. 'Long time no see.' She spoke in a quiet and rather unemphatic voice, but her nasal tone still made it carry. Almost as one, the group turned.

'H-hi, Janice,' said Joey, jumping up fast. 'Here, take my seat. Get you some coffee?'

'Well, coffee seems to be the order of the _day_,' said Janice, with just a trace of the old voice in there. 'A small latte, please.' As he hurried off, she sat down and looked around. 'There's people here I don't know,' she said. 'May I be introduced?'

'Uh, yeah,' said Ross, taking over. 'Janice, this is Emily, my wife, and this is Kathy, Chandler's, um …'

'Girlfriend,' said Kathy brightly. 'Pleased to meet you, Janice. I've heard so much about you.'

'Nothing but good, I hope,' said Janice, smiling guilelessly. 'At least, I'd like to think Chandler didn't dump on me _too_ badly. We had some good times.'

Chandler positively squirmed in his seat, and Ross's hiss of indrawn breath suggested he was expecting the dreaded laugh as a follow-up; when it did not materialise, he looked totally disoriented. Watching him, Rachel had to clench her teeth together not to laugh, and beside her Monica made a noise that she hastily turned into a cough.

'So, Emily, you're from Britain, I hear,' said Janice in a friendly way. 'Do you mind if I ask some dumb questions? I've never been there, unlike Ross's friends who went to his wedding.'

'Fire away,' said Emily, controlling her smirk as Janice momentarily drooped an eyelid at her.

Ross now looked complacent, as if expecting that the questions would indeed be dumb.

'Well, first off, who gets to be a lord?' said Janice. 'I find all that title stuff _really_ confusing. And where does the House of Lords fit in the British constitution?'

'I'm not surprised if you're confused,' said Emily. She listed the different ranks of peer, mentioned life peers, and was just getting onto courtesy titles when Janice held up a hand.

'Yeah, I know you have to be duke or lord or whatever _of_ something, to be counted,' she said. 'But what powers do the members of the House of Lords have, then?'

Emily had to think harder for this one, but Janice helped her out by proving to know part of the answer already, and extracting the rest by well-chosen questions. Her voice remained rather unemphatic, and her performance in general was so understated, compared with what they remembered, that even those secretly favourable to her found it hard to believe it was the same woman. Ross and Chandler both looked shell-shocked, and when Joey returned with the latte his mouth fell open at the topic under discussion, which had now broadened to include the role of the monarchy. He sat on the arm of her chair with a look of extreme puzzlement on his face. Kathy also looked surprised, but for a different reason: this woman did not fit Chandler's description of her at all. 

'Just going to the john,' said Monica, getting up abruptly. She turned her face away, but Rachel could see her lips trembling. This gave an almost irresistible boost to the desire to laugh that Rachel had been suppressing with increasing difficulty.

'Me too,' she cried, jumping up and hurrying after her. She walked into the restroom to find Monica bent over a basin, in a fit of laughter that sounded almost like sobbing. She turned her head to Rachel and tried to speak, then simply shook her head and opened her arms. They clung to each other, overcome. 

Monica was first to recover. 'Oh – my – _God_!' she said. 'The guys' faces! Did you ever _see_ anything so funny? I just had to get out of there, or I would have _exploded_.' She started giggling again.

'Chandler,' Rachel gasped. 'Chandler,' but she could not get any more out. It was actually painful to laugh so much, but she could not help it.

'This is better than I could have dreamed,' said Monica. 'Well, I might as well use the john while I'm here.' She went into a cubicle, from which occasional bursts of giggling emerged, while Rachel turned on a cold tap and splashed her face and neck with cold water to calm herself down.

Meanwhile, as Ross joined in the conversation, and he and Emily began disputing some rather technical point vigorously, watched by Janice, Kathy tugged urgently at Chandler's sleeve. When he turned to her, she hissed, 'She isn't like how you described her _at all_!' in a rather accusing voice.

'I can't explain it,' he hissed back. 'She's _totally_ different.' He glanced at Janice, as if fearful of being overheard, and found that her eyes were on him. She smiled in a friendly way.

'So, Chandler, how's everything?' she said, leaning forward so that her voice could be heard. 'No hard feelings about all that Yemen stuff, by the way.'

'Oh … good,' said Chandler, feeling acutely uncomfortable. 'I'm good, I mean I'm fine. My job's fine, Kathy's fine, and if I could just shut up everything would be fine!' He knew he was babbling, but couldn't stop; to distract himself, he slapped the back of his head.

Janice laughed – not her usual machinegun laugh, but a cheerful sound indicating real amusement. 'I miss the way you used to make me laugh,' she said a little wistfully.

'What's this about Yemen?' demanded Kathy loudly. 'I never heard you say anything about Yemen.'

A silence fell, in which Phoebe could be heard making a noise that appeared to represent an attempt to suppress laughter. It failed, and she bent double, helpless, for a few seconds, before getting control of herself.

'It was _so_ funny,' she explained to Kathy, who was looking at her in surprise. 'Poor Chandler had to go all the way to Yemen, because he couldn't work up the nerve to tell Janice that he didn't want to get back with her again, and so he said he'd been transferred toYemen, and she came and helped him pack, and,' her voice quavered, '… and saw him to the airport and, and onto the plane …' She broke down again.

Ross gave a belly laugh, and both Emily and Kathy giggled, but before anyone else could speak Joey said resentfully, 'Yeah, and _I _was the one who had to break it to Janice, in the end.'

'Never mind,' said Janice, patting him on the arm and not looking at all put out by all the amusement being displayed over this incident, 'you did it very well. But, as I just said, I don't bear a grudge. So, anyway, where are we going for our date, Joey?'

'Well, since you said you liked Italian food, there's this place I know,' said Joey enthusiastically. 'They do the biggest helpings of bolognese sauce in town.'

'Sounds _fine_,' said Janice, beaming at him. After a moment of surprise, he grinned back.

By now Monica and Rachel had returned. To their relief they perceived that the men seemed to be adapting to the 'new Janice'. In fact, Chandler looked about to say something to her, but Ross got in first.

'I heard you have an interest in art, Janice,' he said fairly genially. 'Something about you and Chandler visiting the Guggenheim website together?'

'Oh yeah,' said Janice enthusiastically. 'Well, I'm not an expert or anything, but there's a lot that I like.'

They exchanged comments on works in the Guggenheim that they particularly liked. Emily joined in with comments on the London art galleries, and before long an animated discussion of tastes in art had begun, mainly conducted between the three of them, but with occasional contributions from most of the others, even Joey, who managed to dredge up a totally inappropriate comment about Velazquez that he remembered from the solitary encyclopaedia volume that he possessed. Rachel felt that she had nothing to say, but was content to watch. She soon noticed that Ross and Emily almost seemed to be vying for Janice's attention, while Kathy and even Chandler seemed eager to know her opinion on views of their own. Throughout, although as she got more excited she emphasised occasional words in her old way, Janice showed none of her other overdramatising tendencies, and Rachel felt that overall she was doing an amazingly good job of projecting a new image. She caught the eye of Monica and Phoebe, and they nodded in satisfaction to each other.

It was Janice who finally called a halt. 'Guys, this discussion has been _fascinating_,' she said, 'but all this intellectual talk has made me _hungry_. What time's our reservation, Joey?'

'Holy cow!' he cried, looking at his wrist watch. 'We should've been there half an hour ago. Do you think they'll hold the table?'

'On Sunday night?' said Chandler scornfully. 'Not a chance. You'd better come and eat with us.'

'No, hold on,' said Janice, and pulled a cell phone from her bag. She quickly established that the table could be held, said that they would be there as soon as possible, and got to her feet.

'We must be off,' she said. 'It was great seeing you all again, and meeting you, Emily and Kathy.'

'You should drop by again,' said Monica, now fairly confident that the men would not object. 'In fact, if you're in the building, why not come visit?'

'_Love_ to,' said Janice with a slightly sly grin. 'Bye, everybody.'

She and Joey hurried out to a chorus of friendly farewells. They were hardly out of the door when Ross turned to Emily and said, 'We should definitely invite Janice to dinner – or both of them, if we have to.'

'Oh, absolutely,' said Emily. 'I'm sure Joey won't mind our discussing art, as long as there's plenty of food. Or maybe we could talk theatre, about which he ought to know something.'

'Don't bet on it,' said Chandler, but was distracted before he could enlarge on this by Kathy pulling on his sleeve again.

'I _cannot _understand you,' she said. 'That's a very interesting woman.'

Chandler shook his head in apparent bemusement. 'I told you, she's _different_. I knew before in a sort of way that she was clued up on this art stuff, but somehow we never got talking about it much.'

'We never took the trouble to find out about her interests,' said Monica rather severely. 'We let her voice and manner put us off – and you never bothered to let us know, if you did.'

Chandler shrugged, looking embarrassed.

'Maybe she realised that she was putting people off and made an effort to change,' said Emily, apparently innocently.

Rachel bit her lip to stop herself giggling. Phoebe was less successful, and made a bursting noise.

'What's so funny, Pheebs?' said Chandler curiously.

'Well, um,' she said slowly, then, in a rush, 'I was just thinking, how about your bet _now_? It looked like Joey was, y'know, actually taking Janice seriously.'

'Ah, but will she take_ him _seriously?' said Chandler. 'No, I still think my money's safe.'

'_I_ think you should call off the whole thing,' said Emily rather fiercely. 'It doesn't seem right to make someone like Janice the subject of a crude bet like that.'

'Yes, Chandler, it's not very nice,' said Kathy reproachfully.

Chandler looked very uneasy. 'Well, it's up to Joe. I'll, I'll see what he thinks.' He sought for a quick distraction. 'So, where shall we eat tonight?'

This was temporarily successful, but once they had decided and got there, talk over the meal often returned to the theme of Janice and what an interesting person she was proving to be, to his chagrin. Ross was surprisingly vocal on the subject, to an extent that made Emily look at him a little suspiciously once or twice.

Once dinner was over, the other two couples took their leave of Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe, who walked back to the apartment together, not wanting to break up so relatively early in the evening.

'Didn't you think Ross was behaving a bit strangely?' said Rachel. 'It was almost like he had got a crush on Janice.'

'Yeah,' said Monica. 'It was a bit noticeable. But he obviously enjoyed a chance to discuss his interest in art.'

'I prefer Janice's approach,' said Phoebe thoughtfully. 'Ross knows more of the things to say about artists, but she's better at saying why she likes things.'

'Whatever, I think our session with her has paid off,' said Monica. 'We can be proud of what we've accomplished.'

'Well, it was Emily, as much as anyone,' said Rachel. 'But she built on the foundations you laid,' she added, squeezing Monica's hand, when she looked a bit put out.

They walked on in contented silence.

'Say, I wonder how Joey's getting on,' Rachel remarked suddenly.

'There he is now,' said Phoebe, looking ahead. 'Hey Joey!' she called, waving. He stopped and waited for them.

'Back so soon, Joey?' said Monica as they came up with him.

'She couldn't stay out late, because of Maggie,' said Joey. He looked and sounded rather downhearted.

'What's the matter, didn't it go well?' said Phoebe, as they entered the apartment building.

Joey shrugged. 'Okay, I guess, but …' he paused, and then burst out, 'I couldn't get her to take me _seriously_!' He sounded genuinely hurt. 'She even started acting up again and doing that laugh.'

'It's probably nerves, Joey,' said Rachel soothingly. 'Remember, she probably hasn't had a date in a long while. I'll bet, if you put in more effort, you could get somewhere.'

'Joey, do you really want Janice to take you _seriously_?' Monica enquired as she let them into the apartment.

Joey looked embarrassed. 'Well, yeah.'

'Just so you can win your bet?' she pursued.

Joey looked at the floor, shifted uneasily, and sighed. 'No, not just that. I … I never realised before how smart she is.'

'Yeah, well, we're only just beginning to realise,' said Monica, sitting down.

'Joey, just why did you make this bet with Chandler in the first place?' said Phoebe suddenly. 'I mean, how did it come about? You never explained that. How did you come to be talking of Janice, when Chandler was generally so hostile to her?'

Joey flushed. 'Not gonna tell you,' he mumbled.

'Oho!' said Phoebe, suddenly intent. '_Now_ we're getting to it. This is something to do with sex, isn't it?'

Joey looked obstinate. 'I don't wanna talk about it.'

He made for the door, but Phoebe was faster. She flattened herself against it. 'You aren't getting out of here until you 'fess up, Joey Tribbiani,' she said with a very determined look in her eye. 'Come on, we're all adults here, though I do have my doubts about you sometimes. It can't be _so_ bad.'

Joey looked very guilty. 'It's not the sort of thing guys should talk about with girls.'

All three laughed at him. 'Joey, we've _been_ there,' Monica chortled. 'We've all done stuff with guys, _and_ talked about it among ourselves.'

'Yeah, spit it out,' said Rachel, 'or no more cookies for you.' She tried to glare at him, not very successfully.

Joey groaned and threw up his hands. 'Okay, _okay_! Chandler said …' – he swallowed – 'Chandler said Janice would try anything and, and she was always very appreciative.'

'So you wanted a girl who would try anything,' concluded Phoebe. 'It figures that most of your girls won't.' Her voice sounded rather condemnatory and she was looking at him severely.

Joey looked as if he wanted to run and hide. 'We, we were talking about relationships,' he said hastily, 'and I just asked why he kept going back to her. He said a lot of other things that weren't to do with sex as well.'

'Mm,' went Phoebe noncommittally. 'Not a promising start, though, if you, like, _want_ to get together with her.' She looked at him enquiringly, then shot out fiercely, 'Do you?'

Joey ran his hands through his hair. 'I don't know, but … it could be fun.' He looked around at them and grinned a little lopsidedly. 'Geez, I _never_ thought I'd say that about Janice.'

'Well, I think you're going to have work out how you really feel about her,' said Phoebe seriously. 'But, for the record, I too think you should drop this bet. You won't be able to act naturally around her if you're always, y'know, thinking about the money.'

Joey nodded. 'You're right. I'll talk to Chandler.'


	6. Janice Is Flavour of the Month

Chapter 6: Janice Is Flavour of the Month

Author's Note: I have to admit that this one does _not_ seem to be attracting the readers, so I am planning to finish it off (but it will still need more than one chapter), with apologies to those who have taken the trouble to both read _and_ review. I shall leave the possibility of continuing open, but only impassioned pleas will lead me to carry on :).

I am not the only writer to complain of a shortage of reviews recently. You readers, please remember that_ any _encouragement is welcome, and that writers do respond to criticisms that have more basis than "How can you _possibly _(fill in as required, e.g. imagine one of the Friends doing that / think of Janice as a human being etc.)?"

Talking of responding to criticisms, I promise to put (even) more effort into making the Friends less "British" in the way I make them talk – thanks to Helga von Nutwimple for acute comments (anyone who hasn't read her (?) fics go and do so _at once_ – they are the best thing on the site since the retirement of Ann Pascal, even better than Ethan's tremendous series). Anyone else who spots a particularly glaring "Britishism" please let me know (you can find my email by double-clicking on my name at the head of each chapter or in the summary). But I will say this: I do not think "talking British" is the same as simply talking with long words and proper syntax, as I would expect Ross to do at times (NB his mocked insistence on "whom"), also Julie, a fellow academic, and as Chandler quite often does for humorous effect (remember, also, that Emily _is_ British :) ).

Having written in my note to the last chapter that I couldn't recall anything suggesting that Ross has an interest in art, there he is in 5,23 (repeat just seen on British TV) keen to go to the new Van Gogh exhibition, so there you go. Emily must be pretty intellectual also, if she went to the theatre and a poetry reading with Susan (4,18), not to mention the light opera _Die Fledermaus _in New York (4,14).__

-----

'I'm glad I've caught you in,' said Monica, smiling into the phone. 'I never like using voicemail – I want to _talk_.'

'So talk already,' came Janice's voice back, with a smile in her voice. 'Sorry, I've had a load of work on; that's the way it goes in my job. I tell you, sometimes it feels like half my income's going to neighbours and baby-sitters for looking after Maggie. So what's new?'

'We may have got Joey to drop the bet,' said Monica. 'He said he'd talk to Chandler, and Chandler said he'd talk to Joey, when we put pressure on him at our Sunday meal, so … But that's not all. Phoebe got it out of Joey, when he came back from your date, that he might be getting seriously interested in you.'

There was silence at the other end.

'Janice?' said Monica. 'You still there?'

'Yeah, sure,' said Janice apologetically. 'It's just… that was a bit of a shock. Good for the ego, I guess, but …' Her voice trailed off.

'You don't sound very enthusiastic,' Monica commented.

'Well, would you be?' said Janice rather fiercely. 'I mean, I know he's your friend, but in my book the guy's a total _jerk_ when it comes to women. What number girlfriend do you think I'd be – five hundred and fifty first? And how long do you think I'd last? A week, a month if I'm lucky?' She was beginning to sound rather mad. 'I want more than that.'

'Sure you do, Janice,' said Monica gently.

'At least with Chandler, I had more than that,' Janice ranted on. 'That one time … oh, how I _regret _it, sometimes, the way I let him persuade me to go back to Gary for Maggie's sake … and stuck with my decision even when _he_ changed his mind, the rat …' Now she sounded sad.

'Tell me, Janice,' said Monica, keeping her voice gentle. 'If Joey changed, might you accept that he could be _seriously _interested in you?'

There was another silence, then a sigh. 'He can be very sweet,' said Janice eventually, 'and he _is_ pretty damn cute. If he could _only _be cured of chasing after every pretty girl he sees … But that's never going to happen, is it?'

It was Monica's turn to sigh. 'I wouldn't be so sure. He got close to being truly in love once, with an actress called Kate, but she went to LA for her career. Would you give him a chance, at least? He said you started being more like your old self when you were on the date.'

'Well, yeah,' said Janice a bit defensively, 'that was really for my own _protection_. Concentrating on it kept me from … well, I can see why so many women fall for him.' Her voice had gone soft. 'Isn't it a pain that you can never get _everything_ you want in a guy?' She added rather wistfully.

'I know what you mean,' said Monica sympathetically, 'but remember the last words of Some Like It Hot: nobody's perfect.'

Janice chuckled. 'You may be right. But tell me,' she went on in a funning tone, 'don't you think _Rachel_'s perfect?'

'Ooh, not fair,' said Monica lightly. 'She's pretty damn close, in my eyes, and that's all I'm going to say.'

'Nice save,' said Janice appreciatively. 'Hey, you know Ross and Emily invited me to dinner? I feel _flattered_.'

'The night of your date with Joey, you impressed Ross a lot,' said Monica. 'Emily too. I hope you have a great time.'

'I like Emily,' said Janice. 'Well, I'll see you guys around. I think I can drop into Central Perk now without getting the _big freeze_.' She gave a brief rendition of her old laugh and rang off.

Monica felt Rachel's eyes upon her and looked at her with a smile. 'I don't suppose I need to fill you in on what was going on there.'

'No, I got most of it,' said Rachel, 'but what were you saying I was pretty damn close to?'

'Being _perfect_,' said Monica, walking towards her and smiling more broadly.

'Only close?' said Rachel as she got up, but she was smiling too.

They embraced and kissed, both once more feeling amazed joy that they should have found their soulmates in each other. Things might have developed, but Joey walked in without knocking, as usual.

'Whoa!' he said. 'Should I come back later?'

'No, Joey, it's okay,' said Monica, smiling at him as she and Rachel gently disengaged.

'When you're in love, you're often kissing without feeling you have to go any further,' said Rachel, also smiling at him. 'What can we do for you?'

'You remember when we were talking, about my getting serious with Janice?' said Joey. 'Well, I wonder if you could give me some advice. I mean, I can hardly ask Chandler.'

Monica frowned slightly. 'Why not? If the bet's off, he should have no reason to give you bad information. The bet _is_ off, isn't it?'

'It's not that,' said Joey evasively. 'You know the rules: she _was_ his girlfriend.'

'You and your stupid rules!' Monica fumed. 'I can see maybe why men get protective of their sisters, but ex-girlfriends? That's just ridiculous and possessive. Besides, Kathy was your girlfriend once, and you're okay with that now.'

Joey still looked bothered. 'I don't know … I'm getting this feeling, Chandler might be getting interested in Janice again. I mean, she's _changed _so much, you can see why he might.'

'He has no right to do that, when he has a perfectly good girlfriend in Kathy,' said Monica severely. 'Okay, come sit down, and we'll talk.'

'Coffee? Cookie?' Rachel offered.

Joey grinned. 'Yes to both of those.' When Rachel's back was turned, he said quietly to Monica, 'I still can't get over the way Rachel now loves to get food and drink for everyone.'

'Yes, isn't it great?' said Monica, looking at her fondly. 'She's just got like this, with no pushing from me whatever, if you'll believe it. So, you've decided, you do want to carry on with Janice?'

Joey grinned a little lopsidedly. 'I know it's hard to believe, coming from me. But when I heard her talk in Central Perk that evening, about art and the British House of Lords and everything, I had this feeling, here's this girl who's really _smart_, and she's attractive, and yet she's willing to go out with me, even though I know squat about anything.' He sounded perfectly sincere. 'Not many of my girlfriends have been extra-smart, you know.'

'Well, obviously, or they wouldn't have gone out with you,' Monica quipped.

'Nice one, Mon,' said Rachel as she brought over Joey's coffee and a plate of cookies. 'Do you want anything?'

'I think I'll take a coffee as well, thanks, sweetie,' said Monica, beaming at her. Rachel gazed back lovingly for a moment, then seemed to tear herself away and went back to the coffee machine.

Monica turned to Joey, to see him gazing at her rather wistfully . 'When I see you two together, I can't help thinking, I want that,' he said.

'That's one thing you have to find for yourself, Joey,' said Monica sympathetically but firmly. 'And to get and _keep_ it, you have to lose interest in anyone else. Of course, if you're in love enough, you would – temporarily, at least.' She flashed a grin at him.

Rachel brought over Monica's coffee and one for herself. 'So, have you come up with any good ideas for Joey yet? Because I have one if you don't.'

'Go ahead,' said Monica.

'Show an interest in her kid,' said Rachel. 'Nothing too obvious – I mean, don't shower her with presents – ' 

'Couldn't if I wanted to,' Joey interrupted. 'I'm next door to broke.'

Rachel frowned a little. 'That makes it more difficult. I was going to suggest, you give them some kind of treat. You know, a trip to the Park with a visit to an icecream parlour, that kind of thing. Could you use a loan of a few bucks?'

Joey pulled a face. 'I already owe Chandler big time. I don't want to owe you too.'

'Well, if it would make you feel any better, I could charge you interest,' said Rachel. 'You know, like a dollar a year.'

Joey laughed. 'I couldn't do it, Rachel, but thanks.'

She shrugged. 'The offer's there. My job pays pretty well. Well, at least you can talk to Janice about Maggie, show her that you're interested.'

Joey nodded. 'It's a good idea.'

'Are you invited to this dinner party she's going to, with Ross and Emily?' Monica asked.

'Oh yeah,' said Joey enthusiastically. 'Isn't it great? I mean, I get to see her again without having to ask for a date. Hey, do you think I should prepare, like read my encyclopedia book, maybe?'

Monica's lips twitched. 'Joey, there's no telling whether they'll talk about _anything _beginning with V. But go ahead, it can't hurt.'

Joey nodded and grabbed another cookie. 'These are the best,' he said happily. 'Did you make them, Rach, or are they Monica's?'

'Let's call them a joint effort,' said Monica, grinning at Rachel.

'I did all the hard work,' said Rachel mock-indignantly. 'You just gave the orders.'

'It's knowing what orders to give that counts,' said Monica, and ducked as Rachel pretended to throw a cookie at her. Then both flopped back in their seats laughing.

Joey regarded them indulgently. It occurred to him that Ross and Emily did not seem to behave like this, although of course he didn't see them at home; neither, as far as he knew, did Chandler and Kathy. So maybe there was more than one way of being in love. But he certainly liked the way Monica and Rachel showed it.

Later, when Joey had left, Monica looked at Rachel shrewdly. 'You know what? I think the bet may still be on. I'm going to call Janice again.' She picked up the phone, but when she tapped in the number, it was busy.

It had taken Chandler a lot of effort to psych himself up sufficiently to call Janice. Three times he had picked up the phone determinedly, then put it down and paced around the apartment, gnawing his lip. He knew that he should not be doing it, that he was endangering his relationship with Kathy even if, as was only too likely, he got turned down flat. But more and more, he felt he had to try. Somehow, Janice seemed to have transformed herself, and in the process she had become really desirable again. All the traits that irritated him had effectively disappeared, and now she was showing others that he never knew she possessed. The memory of the time when they had had "Hollywood love", as Janice had called it, had faded, but he had not forgotten that he had been very happy. He had not been seeing so much of Kathy recently, and enjoyable though their relationship was, he felt he was marking time, while the memory of how he had distrusted her without reason, though never referred to, always lay between them. It had been very convenient for him that she seemed happy to keep things at their present level, and put no pressure on him at all. But he was beginning to feel that he could handle a relationship that was aiming to go somewhere. He had nerved himself to make a commitment to Janice once, when she had not been ready. If only he could get her interested, maybe he could do so again, and she would be ready.

So what was holding him back? A certain guilt about going behind Joey's back, but mainly the fear of rejection, even humiliation – if she chose to, Janice could even destroy his relationship with Kathy. But …

'Oh, the hell with it,' he said, and tapped in Janice's number. He beamed involuntarily when he heard her voice, now lacking the harsh overtones that it had often had.

'Janice, it's me,' he said haltingly, 'Chandler.'

'Well, hello, Chandler Bing,' she said cheerfully. 'What can I do for you?'

'I, um, just rang to see how you were,' he said.

'Oh, I'm fine,' she said lightly. 'In fact, now that I have made friends with your friends, I'm better than fine.' She chuckled.

 'And, and I wanted to tell you …' He dried.

'Yes?' she said enquiringly.

'To tell you,' he said in a rush of inspiration, 'that I'm really, truly sorry about the Yemen business. I was so goddamned _immature_!'

'It's all right, I understand,' she said. 'How are you and Kathy getting on, anyway?'

Chandler just stopped himself from groaning aloud. 'Well, we're, we're okay, but …' He dried again.

'But?' she prompted.

'It's just … I remember how we used to be, you and I,' he poured out. 'I don't have that with Kathy, and I don't think I ever will. I …' He took a deep breath. 'I'd like to see you, Janice, not just in Central Perk with the others, but …' He could think of no easy way to put it.

'Are you asking me for a _date_?' she said incredulously. 'After all this time, and when you know Joey's interested in me, and you have a girlfriend anyway?' She did not sound mad, simply amazed.

Chandler swallowed, croaked, cleared his throat and tried again. 'Yes, that's what I'm doing,' he said hoarsely, trying to sound more confident than he felt.

'Weeell,' she said, her voice amused. 'Who would have thought Chandler _Bing_ would be so bold? Mmm, it's sort of _tempting_, you know, but …'

'No buts,' he cried. 'I have already used this conversation's ration of buts. _Please_, Janice, give me a chance – for old times' sake?' He tried not to sound as if he was begging, but of course he was.

'Old times,' she said. 'We certainly had them. Look, let me think about this. I mean, this is a fairly major step, wouldn't you agree?'

'Oh yes, yes,' he cried. 'Take all the time you need,' he added, mentally cursing himself for sounding so eager to please.

'Okay, Chandler Bing,' she said in a rather "sexy" voice. 'I'll be in touch before very long, I _promise_.'

Chandler put the phone down and went to pour himself a drink, feeling rather shaky. He suddenly realised that Joey could have come in at any moment during that conversation. But he could not believe that Joey was really interested in Janice; the antipathy he had shown towards her in the past had surely been too strong. Anyway, Chandler now felt determined to bury the bet at the earliest possible opportunity, and hope that Janice never got to hear of it, or he was dead. Suddenly panicky, he decided to call everyone who knew about it, starting with Ross and Emily.

Janice put the phone down, smiling to herself, but she had hardly done so when it rang again. Surprised, she picked it up. 'Janice speaking.'

'Janice, there's something you have to know,' said Monica urgently. 'Joey was over here, and he wouldn't say that the bet was off. We think he's genuinely interested, but …'

'It's raining buts at the moment,' said Janice. 'I had a whole bunch from Chandler just now. Do you know, he wound up by asking me out?'

'Nooo!' said Monica in amazement. 'What did you do?'

'Well, I didn't turn him down – said I'd call him,' said Janice, giggling a little. 'I know I shouldn't, but it's nice to be flavour of the month, you know? But please don't tell Kathy. I _won't_ take him away from her, though it seems to me he may be drifting away. I just want to see what I _do_ feel about him now.'

'Hmm,' said Monica pensively. 'You know, this sounds like the title of that British sitcom, Men Behaving Badly. Don't _encourage_ him to drift away from Kathy, Janice, please. We put a lot of effort into getting him back together with her.'

'I know, I know,' said Janice, 'and now I'm friends with you guys I don't want to do anything to upset that. Besides, I owe him for his part in the bet. It's just … well, I really loved the guy once, you know? I'm not being some kind of heartless _vamp_ here.'

'Sure, Janice, sure,' said Monica warmly. 'I trust you. When's this dinner with Ross and Emily?'

'Holy cow, it's tonight!' cried Janice in sudden alarm. 'All this chatting on the phone, and I've not even _showered_! Look, I'll be in touch.'

'Have a great time, Janice,' said Monica hastily as Janice put the phone down and almost ran to her bedroom.

'So, Ross, have they found the answer to what killed off the dinosaurs yet?' said Janice over dinner. 'I heard, it's all the result of this great big meteorite landing in the Bay of Mexico.'

Beaming at a chance to talk about his passion, Ross said, 'Well, that could certainly have been a factor, but …' and went into a long spiel of which Joey did not understand word one, except that it was all about time and climate and stuff. He felt proud of Janice for being able to talk with Ross on apparently equal terms. Because Ross was smart, everyone knew that – it was just, he was so boring. He tried to catch Emily's eye to express sympathy, but she seemed absorbed in the conversation between Ross and Janice. Joey smiled sentimentally: it was good that Ross's wedding was working out so well.

Later, as he walked Janice home, he said, 'Man, you sure know a lot about Ross's stuff.'

Janice looked pleased. 'I like to read around,' she said. 'But, you know, it's only what you can get from the articles in Time and Newsweek and so on. You don't get the time to do much _serious_ reading when you have a small child around. In some ways I can't wait for Maggie to go to school.'

'You going to send her to pre-school?' said Joey, seeing an opportunity. 'She's a smart kid.' Inspired, he added, 'You're doing a great job bringing her up.'

Janice smiled at him. 'Why, thank you, Joey! Of course, you have younger sisters, don't you?'

They chatted easily of family matters until they reached her apartment block.

'This was a great evening, Joey,' said Janice. 'Thanks for walking me home. I'm sorry I can't invite you up for a nightcap, but Maggie often wakes up when I get in and I have to settle her down.'

'That's okay,' said Joey, hiding his disappointment. 'Maybe I'll see you at Central Perk tomorrow?'

She looked at him seriously for a moment, then grinned. 'When are you most likely to be there?'

'Once I'm up, most any time,' said Joey. 'I've got no work tomorrow,' he added, trying not to sound depressed.

Janice looked slightly concerned. 'How much work are you getting these days?'

He shrugged. 'Not as much as I'd like.'

'That's too bad,' she said sympathetically. 'I'll see if something can be done. Okay, I'll be in Central Perk around lunchtime tomorrow. Night, Joe.' She had gone inside before he could ask her what she meant, let alone think about trying for a goodnight kiss.

Meanwhile, Ross and Emily were enthusing to each other about Janice as they washed the dishes.

'What great questions she asks!' Ross said. 'It's like she really wants to know, she's not just being polite.'

'Didn't I notice!' said Emily. 'But she was just as good at talking about London.'

'I can't _believe_ we didn't see all this before,' said Ross, shaking his head.

'Well, you know, we did do a bit of remedial work on her, Monica and Rachel and Phoebe and me,' said Emily. 'We showed her how irritating her mannerisms could be and, more important, why she didn't need them.'

'Uh-huh,' said Ross, not really attending. He was gazing into space smiling.

'She'll be around Central Perk more from now on,' said Emily. 'So you'll have other opportunities to talk palaeozoic stuff. And you wouldn't object to me having her round for a chat now and then, would you? She's free more often than Monica or Rachel, and I can relate to her better than to Phoebe, really.'

'Go right ahead,' said Ross, still a bit abstracted. Emily looked at him, wondering what he was thinking about with that goofy look on his face. Was he, conceivably, getting a crush on Janice? Oh well, she knew men did this kind of thing from time to time, and she did not think there was the remotest chance of Janice returning it, especially with Joey showing an interest in her.

When Joey entered Central Perk around noon the next day, he was slightly taken aback to see Janice at the centre of an animated group that included Monica, Phoebe, Emily, and Kathy. They seemed to have taken to the "new Janice" surprisingly fast, it seemed to him. They all looked up when they saw him coming, and Monica said something that made them snicker.

'Hey Joey!' said Janice. 'Good news! Get in touch with your agent. My agency should be putting some auditions your way.'

'Gee, thanks, Janice,' he said very enthusiastically.

'Well, you may not thank me when you have to be on site at five a.m.,' said Janice with a chuckle. 'But a job's a job, eh?'

'It sure is,' said Joey. Suddenly he felt a surge of affection for this woman who had gone out and actually tried to do something for him. He sat down on the table in front of her, took her hand and gazed into her eyes.

'_Thanks_,' he repeated in a very serious tone. 'You're a _real_ friend, Janice.'

She blinked and moistened her lips. 'It's nice to be _appreciated_,' she said in a light tone, but she looked uneasy.

'Yeah, and you haven't been, until recently,' he said. 'Look, Janice, I know I wasn't friendly when you were going out with Chandler, but I want to put all that behind me, for ever. Please will you take me seriously as a date?'

[A genuine cliff-hanger! What will Janice say? Stay tuned]


	7. If Of Herself She Will Not Love, Nothing...

Chapter 7: If Of Herself She Will Not Love, Nothing Can Make Her

Author's Note: Chapter title is a quote from Sir John Suckling's poem, _Why so pale and wan, fond lover?_, which should perhaps be read by all romantics :).

Well, no one has urged me to carry this one on, and _very_ few readers seem interested – but _many_ thanks to those who have bothered to read and review – and I don't think I'm going to be able to improve on this significantly, so here it is.

For anyone who's interested, Emily's "Irishisms" are derived from the writings of Myles na Gopaleen (Flann O'Brien), who wrote a very funny column in the Irish Times many years ago – a good selection was anthologised in Picador, which may be still in print.

-----

There was a general intake of breath. For a moment Janice did not reply, just looked at Joey with a serious, even slightly sad expression. Then she sighed.

'You're good, Joey,' she said. 'Very, very good. You really seem to mean it, and I'd _like_ to trust you … but how do I know this isn't all part of the bet?'

'The bet?' he repeated, stunned.

'Yes, the _bet_,' she said in a sharper tone. 'You know, the bet you and Chandler made about me?'

'You, you _know _about that?' he stammered.

'_Yes_, thanks to my good friend Monica,' she said, patting Monica on the knee. 'She had tipped me off _before_ you asked them to keep it quiet, and I had my own reasons for not letting on. More recently we got the idea you'd dropped it, but now it's not clear. So what's the truth, Joey? Have you dropped the bet?' She was looking at him very intently.

Faced with it like this, Joey could only blush and mumble.

'Well?' she said insistently.

'I, er, _want_ to drop it,' he got out, 'but we haven't actually agreed anything. I, um, have to pay a forfeit if I pull out.'

'Well, that could be a lesson to you,' she said severely. 'Anyway, I hope you can understand why I'm not _pleased_ with you.'

Joey hung his head, his mind in a whirl. Then something surfaced. 'You knew, even when we met that day in the supermarket?' he gasped, looking up.

'Yes, Joey, I _knew_,' she cried in her old voice. 'And I knew all about Chandler _already_ – Monica and Rachel _told_ me, when I went to ask about him, because I hadn't heard for so _long_. Janice likes to have her little _fun_.' She did her laugh. Instead of wincing the other women smiled or giggled. Emily even tried to imitate the laugh.

'We ought to put your account of that episode on tape,' said Kathy. 'It makes such a good story.'

Joey's cheeks felt red hot. 'Oh man, this is all Chandler's fault,' he groaned. 'Janice, I swear, I really do have feelings for you.'

'Well, maybe you do,' she said in her quieter, less emphatic manner, looking at him not unkindly. 'But you're going to have to put in a lotmore work to get me to forgive you enough to give you a date. You can thank your lucky stars I felt friendly enough to get you those auditions.'

'Yeah,' said Joey, not looking at her. He felt even more of a heel when he realised that Janice had done something like that for him when she knew about the bet.

'What's going on?' came Chandler's voice. 'Is Joey on trial?'

They all turned to look at him with varying expressions, mostly rather serious, Joey rather hangdog. The smile disappeared from Chandler's face.

'Well, well, well, if it isn't Chandler _Bing_,' said Janice cheerfully. 'No, Joey is not on trial. He has already been convicted, or maybe you could say, he has _confessed_.'

Chandler's blood congealed at the implications of this. 'Ah, um, I … what has he confessed to?' he asked nervously.

'Something he felt guilty about, clearly,' said Janice. 'And he did say just now it was all your fault. So, is there anything _you_ feel guilty about, Chandler Bing?'

Chandler felt all eyes upon him, and swallowed hard. 'Oh God,' he muttered. 'That frigging bet!'

Janice nodded in satisfaction. 'Yeah, that's right,' she said in an ironical tone. 'That frigging bet. Now, of course, I don't know the full _circumstances_ here, like _why_ you got into making a bet about me, but it wasn't a very _nice_ thing to do, was it? I mean, I don't think any of us girls go around making bets of that kind with each other about our old boyfriends.'

'It all came out of talking about old relationships,' said Chandler defensively. 'But you women talk about them too, right?' He perched on a chair arm next to Kathy. Trying not to look as uneasy as he felt, he went on, 'I've often got the idea, you talk about us in considerable detail.'

'Aha!' said Janice, seeming to pounce. 'So you discussed _me_ in considerable detail, maybe? You told Joey things about me that made him … interested?' Her brows were down and her eyes seemed to flash. 'You know, maybe I could tell Kathy some details about _you_.'

Chandler froze, but Kathy giggled. 'Oh, I think I know all there is to know about Chandler, if you mean what I think you mean,' she said. 'Thanks all the same, Janice.'

'That's always assuming, he's done everything with you that he has with me,' said Janice, flashing a grin at her but with one eye on Chandler, who was now sweating profusely. 'I mean, has he ever … telephoned you?' 

Chandler's heart leaped into his mouth.

Kathy laughed and shook her head. 'I don't think I'd find telephone sex very exciting.'

'It can be very …_ revealing_,' said Janice. 'About what a person really _wants_, and all that.' Her gaze returned to Chandler, who was by now in an agony of apprehension that she was about to reveal his phone call to her. For a moment she did not speak, simply looked at him with a serious expression; then she smiled.

'Geez, look at him,' she said merrily. 'You'd think I was going to let out some great enormous _secret_!' She leaned forward and patted him on the cheek. '_Relax_, Chandler Bing! Okay, I've made you sweat, but I think that's sufficient punishment for telling tales to Joey. Let it be a _lesson_ to you.'

'Oh, it is,' he said faintly, 'it is.'

'Now I want to hear no more of the bet, and you don't make Joey pay a forfeit either, okay?' she said in a schoolmarmish way.

'Yeah,' Chandler croaked, still unable to believe that she was going to keep quiet about his phone call.

'But I want you both to understand, I'm not gonna bear a _grudge_,' she went on. 'I now consider the incident _closed_. I don't want you scared of me, especially not you, Joey.'

'You mean … I might still have a chance?' said Joey, who had been watching open-mouthed as Janice got right under Chandler's skin.

'Well, you might, but I wouldn't _bet_ on it,' said Janice drily. After a moment's stunned pause, Monica burst out laughing, and the others joined in, including Joey, Chandler and Janice herself. They laughed enough to dissipate the tension that had built up.

'Oh, Janice, you _are_ a card,' said Emily, wiping her eyes.

'Well, how about you, with your imitations?' said Janice. 'Say, can you do _me_ as I used to be?'

Emily grinned and rolled up her eyes as if seeking for inspiration. 'Gee, it's so _hard_, getting these accents just _right_,' she produced in a very nasal tone, which caught the intonation that Janice used but not really the pitch of her voice. 'But it's a whole lot _easier_ than talking to Ross about _dinosaurs_!'

She was looking up as she said this, and they realised that Ross had joined them. Her sally produced a variety of grins, snickers, and giggles mingled with greetings of'Hi Ross!'

Ross smiled. 'That's not a _very _good Janice,' he said. 'I prefer your Billy Connolly, or the Irishman.'

Emily leaned forward and looked Janice in the eye. 'D'ya know what I'm goin' ta tell ya?' she said in a hoarse drink-laden tone, pulling on an imaginary cigarette.

'I do not,' replied Janice in a more educated-sounding version of the same voice.

'They ruined manny a palonteologist, the same dinysaurs,' said Emily, tapping imaginary ash into a saucer.

'And why is that?' said Janice, struggling to keep a straight face as Monica, Phoebe and Kathy began to giggle and Ross made a spluttering noise.

'Faith, isn't it obvious?' said Emily, spreading her hands and raising her eyebrows. 'Here comes your man the palonteologist, blatherin' out of him about Granny Saurus an' Dai O'Nycus an' Perry Nodon an' thim, an', sure, doesn't every man with anny sense run a mile? So your poor man gets all sad an' depressed, an' that makes him start bendin' th' elbow a wee bit too often,' she mimicked lifting a glass and drinking, 'an', sure, isn't that the very road to ruin?'

By now Ross, who had broken down at the distorted versions of famous dinosaur types, was leaning on the couch, bent double with laughter, while the others, including Janice, were lying back helpless in their seats, and several of the nearer customers were also laughing wildly. Emily, her face calm but her eyes twinkling, reached up to take Ross's hand. 'Just pulling your leg, darling. But Deinonychus for breakfast is a bit much.'

Ross grinned a little ruefully. 'That's okay. It was funny. It's just … sometimes I learn something that's so exciting, I have to tell someone, and who better than my wife?'

'You can come and tell me, Ross,' said Janice. 'Was Deinonychus that _really _nasty one that was in Jurassic Park?'

'No, that was Velociraptor,' said Ross, his eyes brightening. 'But Deinonychus was the same kind of small two-legged carnivore, only rather bigger and nastier. Say, does anyone want some refreshment, after that fine performance?' He winked at Emily, plainly not at all put out. 'Have you been practising?'

Emily grinned back at him. 'Janice and I have been working on it a bit.' She smiled warmly at Janice.

'Well, I don't know about you, Joey, but I need a drink, badly,' said Chandler, rising to his feet. He didn't think he would feel easy in Janice's presence for some time. 'Are you coming, Kathy?'

'Sure,' she said, getting up too. Joey looked between Chandler and Janice, plainly torn.

'Go along, Joey,' said Janice easily. 'But don't be a _stranger_, now. And the same goes for you, Chandler. I'd rather see you than just … talk on the phone.'

Sweat burst out on Chandler's brow again, but Janice simply smiled at him blandly and said no more. He assumed that she was telling him in code that she was not interested, and he acknowledged to himself that the major emotion that he felt was relief. He had had a glimpse of a much more formidable, together Janice than he had ever encountered before, and it scared him. He took Kathy's hand with a renewed sense of affection. She would never put him through the wringer like that unless he gave her good cause, which he resolved never to do.

Just after they left, as Ross was getting some coffees, Rachel came in. 'Hi, guys!' she said, beaming at them all. She bent to kiss Monica and sat beside her. 'What's been happening?' she said quietly. 'I saw Chandler and Kathy and Joey going off, and Chandler looked like he'd been hit in the stomach.'

'Well, metaphorically, that's what Janice did,' Monica replied in a mutter. 'It's all come out about the bet, and Janice had Chandler on tenterhooks for ages, because she kept referring to his phone call, but no one else knew what she was referring to, except me. But that's all she did – oh, and she turned Joey down when he wanted to start dating her seriously.'

'I can't say I blame her,' said Rachel. 'But what was all the laughing? I could hear it a block away.'

'Oh, Emily was doing the Irishman turn, with Janice as her feed, and it was all about dinosaurs,' Monica explained, giggling at the memory.

Rachel looked blank. 'I guess you had to be there. So,' she lowered her voice again, 'what's the word on the … thing?'

Monica smiled at her tenderly. 'They said there's every chance an artificial insemination would succeed. All we have to do now is pick a donor.'

Rachel took her hand and squeezed it, looking delighted. Monica's voice had risen, and Phoebe, who had been chatting with Emily and Janice, now turned her head. 'What's that?' she said excitedly. 'You're picking a donor – like, to get pregnant?'

Everyone focussed their attention on Monica, including, Ross, returning with several coffees. Monica blushed a little. 'Yeah, we're going to go for it,' she said. 'The people at the clinic say I should have a very good chance of conceiving.'

'So Ben's going to have a little cousin?' said Ross eagerly. 'Wow, that's great.'

'Let's not rush our fences, Ross,' said Emily. 'Monica's got to become pregnant and give birth first. But it all sounds very promising.'

'So, guys, can we ask your advice?' said Monica. 'Do you think it would totally freak him out if I used Joey's sperm donation? Or should I use the donor I picked out years ago?'

'It would, like, keep it in the family, if you used Joey,' said Phoebe, sounding keen on the idea.

'Yeah, and it would mean I'm not the only one in the group whose child is being raised by two women,' said Ross, obviously trying to make a joke. His grin faded when the women looked at him witheringly.

'It might give him more sense of responsibility,' said Emily thoughtfully.

'You should definitely ask him first,' said Janice firmly. 'But here's a point. Even if he is keen to be involved, will he be ready to accept that he is just the father in a _biological_ sense? He could get all _possessive_, and I guess you won't want that. And another thing: he comes from a large family, which could be a good source of information and support … but even if he accepted that it was strictly _your_ child, they might not – they might consider it his as well.'

Monica and Rachel looked at each other. 'Let's talk to him,' said Rachel. 'And maybe we should talk to Chandler too. I don't think Kathy would mind.'

'Now, he really _could_ freak out,' said Ross. 'You want to be very careful there.'

'Chandler,' said Monica musingly. 'I hadn't thought of that. It's not such a bad idea. It might be kind of a payback, for having to give up all his hopes about me.'

'Sort of like a consolation prize?' said Emily. 'I'm not sure how he'd feel about that.'

'If he went for it at all, he _would _want to be involved with the child, I think,' said Janice. 'And that might revive _feelings_, you know? When two people have a child together …'

'Ooh Janice, you're so _sensible_,' said Monica in a jokey voice. 'What happened to the old loopy Janice? But I guess that was never you, just our impression of you. Seriously, maybe it's not such a good idea to have one of our friends involved, after all.' She looked at Rachel, who pulled a face and nodded.

'But they're both good guys really,' said Janice, 'despite that bet, which is just the kind of dumb-ass _silliness_ that men get up to from time to time – sorry, Ross. Either would make a good father, it seems to me. But they'll likely want to get married and have their own kids some day.'

Monica nodded. 'Do you think you'll forgive Joey, in time?' she asked.

Janice chuckled. 'I already have. He's so sweet, like a little boy in some ways. You can't stay mad at him for long. But I don't want him to get the idea that I'm _easy_. Putting him off for a while can be like a _test_, to see how sincere and strong his feelings really are.'

'Good thinking,' said Emily appreciatively. 'If he's off after some bimbo within the week, it will show he hasn't really changed. So, why don't we all go to dinner and talk about these things a bit more?'

'As long as it can be fast,' said Janice. 'My baby-sitter's good, but she knows it and she charges _accordingly_.'

'Better yet,' said Monica, 'come up to our place. I've made a casserole that I was going to use soon for a bunch of us, or freeze in portions. Won't take a minute to heat up and do some frozen peas or something. I've got a veggy thing I can heat up for you too, Pheebs.'

'Yay!' cried Phoebe, beaming. 'I'm in, then.'

'Great!' said Emily with conviction. 'Another night when I don't have to cook, and Ross doesn't have to pay. But I'll help with the washing up, I promise. Okay with you, darling?'

'Fine with me,' said Ross. 'So, Mon and Rach, have you picked out names for the baby yet? That's another thing we can discuss.'

Chattering happily, they finished their coffees, gathered themselves together and left Central Perk. Gunther smiled as he watched them go. He did not know how it had come about, but somehow Janice seemed to have become much easier to take, and he had always thought her attractive. He wondered whether it might be worth asking her for a date, since Joey had evidently struck out. He had known for some time that Rachel was completely unattainable, that it was useless even fantasising about her and he really had to move on. Janice might be just the thing.

THE END?


End file.
